I have been struggling to blog. This is unusual as normally I can crash a server with my words. I log on and then sit and stare at the screen. What up?
In the past on this blog I was unequally upbeat and downbeat. I wanted to be cheerful and full of fun but when I put fingers to keyboard out poured my insecurities and problems. I know this is the reason many people blog, but it no longer works for me. I am sick of griping about my life. Presto changeo, Pollyanna? No on your tintype. I am way to much of a melancholic for that much of a transformation. I do intend to reflect on my blessings. Even if those blessings are wrapped in pain. I think this is an assignment from God.
Here goes. Husband and I almost came to emotional blows. Through an elaborate series of stupid events he put almost $1000 on a credit card this week. I had just paid the darn thing off. I was angry, really angry and scared. I was loaded for bear and ready to inflict serious damage on our marriage. Before opening my mouth I decided to pray and let God do something with it. (God knows I can't) Well...after praying I opened my mouth and said..., "I have to apologize for spending a small fortune on my weight problem over the past twenty years." You could have knocked me over with a small twinkly type snack cake. I had not planned on saying that at all. Things went from bad to better. Through Divine intervention we began to confront some core issues in our lives and marriage. I am grateful.
That's the blessing for this week. It was a doozy.
Take care, Love Bea
P.S. How do you like my new color scheme. Soothing I thought.
P. S. S. I have industrial strength daises and hollyhocks in my flowerbed. Can they be dug up and divided?
Friday, August 19, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Religion and Laundry
This post is going to be heavy on Christian beliefs so be warned.
Binding prayer is on old time Evangelical protection prayer. Protection from what? Protection from satan and other evil spirits. I believe avoidance is one of my besetting imps. So I pray, "In Jesus name I bind the spirit of avoidance. I send the spirit of avoidance to the foot of the Cross and pray the blood of Jesus over this spirit. Amen."
Universal salvation or Universalism is the belief that because God loves us we will all go to Heaven without any action on our part. I don't believe it.
This theology is new to me. Apparently is has invaded many Christian denominations while we weren't looking. Some of us in our church are struggling with this issue. This heresy has the potential to be very divisive here and other places where it has taken hold. Makes me tired. If is ain't one thing it is something else. If you want more info let me know.
We are thinking of going traveling in the near future. I have been researching lodges on line and may I just say, phooey. I am sick of wading through search engines to find suitable accommodations. Takes forever. I finally got phone numbers and just called. Wayyyy faster. I have been email absent for five or six months. Good grief. I may have to change my email address. What mess. My in-box is maxed out. I have not missed email at all. I am also trying to figure out what to do with my Face book page. I don't understand it. A friend has promised to help me. Just so you will know, I am not important enough to have all these venues for instant access.
I am going to quit typing now and hang out another load of clothes. I love hanging out laundry. I stand in the yard and look out at the mountains and thank God for the non-technical details of my life. The pigs' days are numbered. Fair is coming up soon. The neighbors are currently outside herding them around with long show sticks. The ducks are following along behind. Very cute.
Off to hunt for clothes pins. Bye Bea
Binding prayer is on old time Evangelical protection prayer. Protection from what? Protection from satan and other evil spirits. I believe avoidance is one of my besetting imps. So I pray, "In Jesus name I bind the spirit of avoidance. I send the spirit of avoidance to the foot of the Cross and pray the blood of Jesus over this spirit. Amen."
Universal salvation or Universalism is the belief that because God loves us we will all go to Heaven without any action on our part. I don't believe it.
This theology is new to me. Apparently is has invaded many Christian denominations while we weren't looking. Some of us in our church are struggling with this issue. This heresy has the potential to be very divisive here and other places where it has taken hold. Makes me tired. If is ain't one thing it is something else. If you want more info let me know.
We are thinking of going traveling in the near future. I have been researching lodges on line and may I just say, phooey. I am sick of wading through search engines to find suitable accommodations. Takes forever. I finally got phone numbers and just called. Wayyyy faster. I have been email absent for five or six months. Good grief. I may have to change my email address. What mess. My in-box is maxed out. I have not missed email at all. I am also trying to figure out what to do with my Face book page. I don't understand it. A friend has promised to help me. Just so you will know, I am not important enough to have all these venues for instant access.
I am going to quit typing now and hang out another load of clothes. I love hanging out laundry. I stand in the yard and look out at the mountains and thank God for the non-technical details of my life. The pigs' days are numbered. Fair is coming up soon. The neighbors are currently outside herding them around with long show sticks. The ducks are following along behind. Very cute.
Off to hunt for clothes pins. Bye Bea
Monday, July 25, 2011
Lost
I am sitting in my recliner typing this entry. Very cool.
Clothes are drying on the line, ribs are cooking in crock pot and dog is napping. I am at loose ends. I was so excited to finally get back to my blog...and I have nothing to say. My life is ordinary and calm. When I was losing weight I had something to write about. The agony and ecstasy of weight loss. As a "regainer" who has no intention of ever going on another diet, I am at a loss for words.
In my time off from this blog I learned a few things. I don't believe in the addiction model for weight loss. I can know when I am full and choose to stop eating. Exercise is key for maintaining an active metabolism. Breakfast is key for same. No sugar and no flour forever is just silly. Portion control is the most important factor in maintaining a stable weight. Sugary treats as daily fair make me feel drug out and depressed. If I get full I can stop eating and save the rest for later. Satisfaction is attainable. Cooking ahead makes me crazy. Better if I prepare one meal at a time. Focusing on food and fat the whole darn time taps into my control issues. Better to let life just unfold.
See, I told you, I have nothing much to say...about food.
Now if anyone wanted to hear what I think about Universal Salvation THAT I could talk about.
Hosta la veesta Babies, Bea.
Clothes are drying on the line, ribs are cooking in crock pot and dog is napping. I am at loose ends. I was so excited to finally get back to my blog...and I have nothing to say. My life is ordinary and calm. When I was losing weight I had something to write about. The agony and ecstasy of weight loss. As a "regainer" who has no intention of ever going on another diet, I am at a loss for words.
In my time off from this blog I learned a few things. I don't believe in the addiction model for weight loss. I can know when I am full and choose to stop eating. Exercise is key for maintaining an active metabolism. Breakfast is key for same. No sugar and no flour forever is just silly. Portion control is the most important factor in maintaining a stable weight. Sugary treats as daily fair make me feel drug out and depressed. If I get full I can stop eating and save the rest for later. Satisfaction is attainable. Cooking ahead makes me crazy. Better if I prepare one meal at a time. Focusing on food and fat the whole darn time taps into my control issues. Better to let life just unfold.
See, I told you, I have nothing much to say...about food.
Now if anyone wanted to hear what I think about Universal Salvation THAT I could talk about.
Hosta la veesta Babies, Bea.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Avoidance
I am outside on the deck. Incredible.
I am fine. Husband is fine. Dog is fine. Cat is self congratulatory. Summer is grand. I am being besieged by humming birds as I am wearing a black and red flannel shirt. I am freezing to death out here but I refuse to go inside. I have waited years to be able to type outdoors and by darn I am going to do it.
I wish I had good news on the fat front. But no. I weigh 200 lbs. I have been avoiding doing anything about it. In fact I have been avoiding many things for many years.
I bought this computer in April. I have put off getting a wifi connection for four months because I knew it would be a hassle, I don't like to ask for help and I was afraid in trying to set it up I would some how permanently damage my new computer. Dumb really. I deprived my self of the pleasure of typing outdoors in the cold and mosquitoes because I didn't like to trouble anyone.
I am praying a new type of prayer. It is called "binding prayer." As a result of some family difficulties I was made aware of my avoidance problem. I prayed the binding prayer about avoidance and was given the courage to get some stuff done. One of the stuffs was getting my computer hooked up. Today I called and got a wifi connection. It was every bit as difficult as imagined it would be. Too involved to get into but believe me when I tell you getting electronic service in this mountain valley is a nightmare. I had to stand up to the phone company rep and demand service. I got service, in person, and a free router to boot. I am so proud of myself I could sing.
Okay I have to stop. I am frozen. Was 38 degrees this morning and I think it will be cold again tonight. I am grateful for the good sleeping weather even if flannel sheets and wool blanket are ridiculous in July. The pigs are grunting next door. I think they are cold too.
Bye. I am taking my computer indoors.
Love Bea
I am fine. Husband is fine. Dog is fine. Cat is self congratulatory. Summer is grand. I am being besieged by humming birds as I am wearing a black and red flannel shirt. I am freezing to death out here but I refuse to go inside. I have waited years to be able to type outdoors and by darn I am going to do it.
I wish I had good news on the fat front. But no. I weigh 200 lbs. I have been avoiding doing anything about it. In fact I have been avoiding many things for many years.
I bought this computer in April. I have put off getting a wifi connection for four months because I knew it would be a hassle, I don't like to ask for help and I was afraid in trying to set it up I would some how permanently damage my new computer. Dumb really. I deprived my self of the pleasure of typing outdoors in the cold and mosquitoes because I didn't like to trouble anyone.
I am praying a new type of prayer. It is called "binding prayer." As a result of some family difficulties I was made aware of my avoidance problem. I prayed the binding prayer about avoidance and was given the courage to get some stuff done. One of the stuffs was getting my computer hooked up. Today I called and got a wifi connection. It was every bit as difficult as imagined it would be. Too involved to get into but believe me when I tell you getting electronic service in this mountain valley is a nightmare. I had to stand up to the phone company rep and demand service. I got service, in person, and a free router to boot. I am so proud of myself I could sing.
Okay I have to stop. I am frozen. Was 38 degrees this morning and I think it will be cold again tonight. I am grateful for the good sleeping weather even if flannel sheets and wool blanket are ridiculous in July. The pigs are grunting next door. I think they are cold too.
Bye. I am taking my computer indoors.
Love Bea
Monday, April 11, 2011
Update
More cheerful now. Still snowing. The neighbors got pigs yesterday. (Lets the smells begin.) I am going traveling. First time I have gone anywhere alone since I got married. I am looking forward to it. Have new computer but no wifi connection. Have new over the oven microwave. Life is good. Bye Bea
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Snowed Under
It only snowed six inches here on Tuesday. I'm grateful. Ten miles north of us it snowed two feet!
One and a half more weeks and I will be able to type on my own computer in the warmth. I can't find my gloves and my hands are freezing. How Husband survives up here I will never know.
Well...I guess it is no surprise. I am officially obese. I have returned to surviving on carbs, guilt and Gas-X. It is hard to be real fat again. Hard. Husband wants to go on a trip for our twentieth anniversary. In a week and a half. He wants to go to a hot springs resort. God help me. The only way I can get a swimsuit in time is to take the two smaller ones I own and sew them together. I have two pairs of jeans that fit and two sweatshirts and two blouses. These I wear to church and shopping. At home I live in sweatpants and His old shirts. I wear my snow boots over the sweat pants and my too snug old coat over the shirts to shovel snow and get the mail. How on God's (somewhere) green earth am I going to go on vacation for a week???? Mark sprung this on me today at lunch. He was so happy to make me happy. And I have and will ruin his happiness, again. Man is this hard to write.
My food problem has impacted our whole married life. I bawled on our wedding day because I looked like a whale in a cream colored dress. I died of shame inside on our honeymoon when a person had to be left behind on the hot air balloon ride to make room for me. So many places we did not go and things we did not do because I was too fat. Husband was understanding, but disappointed. And now twenty years later my fat continues to limit our lives.
Or not. I am praying for fat person courage. You know the kind, you suck it up, smile and just move forward into life through the wall of judgements. I can do it. I have done it before. I'll beg or borrow a swimsuit and some more clothes. I will go and do and smile.
It is hard to lie down in this bed I made of cheesecake and peanut butter.
Bea
One and a half more weeks and I will be able to type on my own computer in the warmth. I can't find my gloves and my hands are freezing. How Husband survives up here I will never know.
Well...I guess it is no surprise. I am officially obese. I have returned to surviving on carbs, guilt and Gas-X. It is hard to be real fat again. Hard. Husband wants to go on a trip for our twentieth anniversary. In a week and a half. He wants to go to a hot springs resort. God help me. The only way I can get a swimsuit in time is to take the two smaller ones I own and sew them together. I have two pairs of jeans that fit and two sweatshirts and two blouses. These I wear to church and shopping. At home I live in sweatpants and His old shirts. I wear my snow boots over the sweat pants and my too snug old coat over the shirts to shovel snow and get the mail. How on God's (somewhere) green earth am I going to go on vacation for a week???? Mark sprung this on me today at lunch. He was so happy to make me happy. And I have and will ruin his happiness, again. Man is this hard to write.
My food problem has impacted our whole married life. I bawled on our wedding day because I looked like a whale in a cream colored dress. I died of shame inside on our honeymoon when a person had to be left behind on the hot air balloon ride to make room for me. So many places we did not go and things we did not do because I was too fat. Husband was understanding, but disappointed. And now twenty years later my fat continues to limit our lives.
Or not. I am praying for fat person courage. You know the kind, you suck it up, smile and just move forward into life through the wall of judgements. I can do it. I have done it before. I'll beg or borrow a swimsuit and some more clothes. I will go and do and smile.
It is hard to lie down in this bed I made of cheesecake and peanut butter.
Bea
Monday, March 7, 2011
Computer Promise
If anyone is still out there I am on my way back to blogging.
I am getting a new laptop next month!! Yeah and thank the Lord. It is currently on lay-a-way at Radio Shack. If I had known about lay-a-way I would have purchased a computer years ago. Oh well, live and learn.
I am a mess. Very fat (205) and very snowed in. I'll bet we have four feet on the flat with five foot berms, in the back yard. A couple of weekends ago I rode 66 miles on a snow mobile. It almost killed me. I now have bragging rights as a real Star Valley person.
Husband is fine, dog is sweeter each day and cat continues snotty. My winter isolation is over.
Love Bea
I am getting a new laptop next month!! Yeah and thank the Lord. It is currently on lay-a-way at Radio Shack. If I had known about lay-a-way I would have purchased a computer years ago. Oh well, live and learn.
I am a mess. Very fat (205) and very snowed in. I'll bet we have four feet on the flat with five foot berms, in the back yard. A couple of weekends ago I rode 66 miles on a snow mobile. It almost killed me. I now have bragging rights as a real Star Valley person.
Husband is fine, dog is sweeter each day and cat continues snotty. My winter isolation is over.
Love Bea
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