Husband was reading something last eve that referred to an advocacy group who is urging that a "fat tax" be added to the new health care reform bill. The new tax would be leveled against people with above average BMIs. The greater your BMI, the greater your tax. The tax was deemed necessary because fat people cost the health care system more money.
Horseshit. I don't know about you all but I have to be on my death bed before I darken the door of a health care facility. We just do not seek out health care. And when we are finally forced to, we are frequently offered substandard (read cheap) care. I'll bet overall less health care money is spent on us than our thinner compatriots. Mark told me about this idiot proposal just as we were going to bed. It mad me boiling mad. So mad I couldn't sleep. So mad I spent a good portion of the night sitting on the sofa thinking. And this is what I thought.
How long Oh Lord am I going to be defined by my fat? The print/video world is always ready to squash me like a bug because of my "elevated BMI." But do I have to agree with that world? Maybe not. Went to a another party this past weekend. Sat with someone who I did not know very well. In the course of our becoming acquainted I brought up my struggle with my weight. This person said, "I didn't know you had a weight problem." There I sat in all my fat, and she couldn't tell I had a weight problem? I was astounded. What gives? I think I might look fatter to me than I do to the world at large. (no pun) Hard to accept, but I guess I do not look obese. Just run of the mill overweight. Ho hum, no big deal. (again no pun) So if the folks I meet and the folks I know do not define me by my fat, WHY THE HECK AM I STILL DOING IT?
Because I am unwilling to let go of my past. I am more comfortable with who I was than who I am. I am not a nurse, I am not a historian, I am not a wounded sexual abuse victim and apparently I am no longer fat enough to cause comment. I am label less in my head. Does that make me a nothing? Sure feels like a nothing. Again around the same mountain.
Life is busy. Washing windows and curtains. Finished new flower bed. Carpet cleaning next on the agenda. Family coming second weekend in August. Fair will soon be in full swing. Pigs next door are on short time. Apples on the tree are beginning to blush. Hummingbirds are drinking me out of pounds of sugar water. Husband is in love with lawn tractor. Life is summery good.
Take care. Love Bea
6 comments:
When I saw the picture of you with Helly, I thought you both looked healthy and happy. The word "fat" didn't enter into it.
People labeled many of us as fat at some point in our lives, and the term stuck like glue until we defined ourselves the same way - even tho we were ashamed, embarrassed, depressed, angry, and felt powerless to change. It's ingrained deep, at least for me.
I agree with you about the proposal.
You are far from nothing. You are the wonderful fabulous spirit that is Bealynn...you are an amazingly evocative writer, loving wife, funny friend. I like those labels just fine. :-)
Having said that...I do and always will feel fat. It's just a question of degree...and, I think, learning to look at myself a little more realistically...hey, that's no fun! ;-)
they better find a better measure than the bmi..and the tax is BS. what about other unhealthy stuff, drinkers, smokers, etc..sheesh. glad you are posting and I agree your picture was great, I did not see a fat person at all. I think you are amazing and I love to read everything you write. I still think of myself as fat but I ignore it now, and focus on other stuff. I accept it as part of my quirkyness and try and move past it but forgive myself when I am in fat mode. . I don't know if any of this makes sense..
what size was the person that you were sitting next to on the couch? - and did she have a past or present weight problem? Curious to know her perspective. I was thinking about this the other day - because some bloggers write that obesity is everywhere they go and other bloggers write that skinny people are every where they go (and they feel fat). I am starting to wonder about this perception of others around you thing.
I agree with Anne -- when I saw that picture, fat didn't even enter into it for either of you -- you two looked fabulous! I will always feel fat but the question is, "how fat" will I really be feeling?
I just finished reading about how the BMI was established and boy, what an unscientific piece of work that is!
come out come out wherever you are..
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