Maintenance

I am alive again. Thank You God.

Looks like Mark is going to get to keep his job and current salary. Our health insurance may be cut in half. The county budget is tight but NO ONE was laid off. The county attorney budget short falls were finally found to have been due to Mark's former boss's mismanagement and not Mark's. His good name is clear again. We are all grateful.

Okay, in the past week I have joined Curves, gone to yoga, had a chiropractic adjustment, had my teeth cleaned, gone to coffee with the girls, had my hair cut and dyed, had my legs waxed and started Drastic with diet.

I have not been spending any money for a couple of months. Fear you know. Well, getting all of the above done was not cheap and sort of sent me into sticker shock and guilt. No job you know. I always feel bad about spending money on my body when I am not the one earning the salary. I told Mark I felt guilty about spending money on myself and did he want to do something nice for himself. He promptly said he wanted to buy a $70 computer game. I said, "No I mean something nice for your body. Like I have been doing. Pampering yourself." He looked at me like I had lost my mind. "What do you mean pampering? All that stuff is just routine maintenance." Hold the phone Nellie. "Routine maintenance?" Getting your legs waxed? We had a real enlightening conversation after that. Turns out my husband wants me to do girly stuff and look girly. He asked my why I had quit painting my toenails! I was poleaxed.

My female relatives and church taught me to believe anything more than clean and neat for a woman was the apex of vanity and selfishness. The feminists taught me to devalue anything smacking of "feminine wiles." Sexual abuse taught me to hate my body, so why be nice to it or decorate it. I guess I just assumed Mark shared my views. Gad. I feel liberated. Is that not hilarious? After all that feminist crap I feel liberated when "given permission" to treasure my body and become a "high maintenance" chick. This could get damn interesting.

Take care. I love you all. Lynn