Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Still Here

Thank you all for your posts. I didn't realize how much my inexpert handling of my crap resonated with people. Is a comfort to know my feet of clay extending clear up to my a** is helpful to someone.

Mark's job is on hold for two months. His position will be reevaluated again at that time. If all goes well we will stay here, if not we move.

I have learned much about politics in the past month. I am not a politician's wife. I am much too soft hearted. Criticism of Mark just about kills me. Especially when it is unjust. Insight: If you go around picking up your bosses crap...you end up with crap on your hands in spite of a sterling character. Insight: If your wife gets mad and makes a big scene at the Republican convention and comes close to knocking down a county official it does not help your public career. Even if a number of men come up to you afterward in private and tell you how lucky you are to have a wife that loves you that much. Go figure.

The spectre of job loss and a move shocked and galvanized me. I spend way to much money on stuff to alleviate loneliness and boredom. Food would be at the top of the list. Books would be second and movies/t.v. come in third. The prospect of possibly having no paycheck in two months has forced me to stop my self indulgent spending. And...we got wayyyyyyy to much stuff. I am going through our stuff with a stern eye. If I don't want to pay to have it moved, out it goes. This is as far as I have come, but we only found out the bad news about the job a week ago.

I have done more praying in the past three weeks than in the past three years. I am learning to put the future and the past in God's hands. I can only work with today. I have a couple of scripture verses I go around muttering all day. They help. Oh I had better confess I am still angry and bitter at specific people about the way Mark was treated. Mentor Mary says the best way to deal with your enemies is to pray for them. It is like "heaping coals of fire on their heads." I now remember these people in my prayers...oh, about a thousand times a day. I am sure this is not how she meant it.

I am fine. I can handle major crisis and pain. It is the day to day little stings that trip me up. Mollie is fine. We had a flat tire fixed the other day. People are always telling me how beautiful she is. The tire store was no exception. She was the belle of the ball. Not bad for a dog who spent the first year of her life chained to a tree eating her own poop. She is snoring at my feet.

I have a fine husband, a good dog, a character filled cat and a God who loves me. I am blessed.


Love Bea