Thursday, March 24, 2011

Snowed Under

It only snowed six inches here on Tuesday. I'm grateful. Ten miles north of us it snowed two feet!

One and a half more weeks and I will be able to type on my own computer in the warmth. I can't find my gloves and my hands are freezing. How Husband survives up here I will never know.

Well...I guess it is no surprise. I am officially obese. I have returned to surviving on carbs, guilt and Gas-X. It is hard to be real fat again. Hard. Husband wants to go on a trip for our twentieth anniversary. In a week and a half. He wants to go to a hot springs resort. God help me. The only way I can get a swimsuit in time is to take the two smaller ones I own and sew them together. I have two pairs of jeans that fit and two sweatshirts and two blouses. These I wear to church and shopping. At home I live in sweatpants and His old shirts. I wear my snow boots over the sweat pants and my too snug old coat over the shirts to shovel snow and get the mail. How on God's (somewhere) green earth am I going to go on vacation for a week???? Mark sprung this on me today at lunch. He was so happy to make me happy. And I have and will ruin his happiness, again. Man is this hard to write.

My food problem has impacted our whole married life. I bawled on our wedding day because I looked like a whale in a cream colored dress. I died of shame inside on our honeymoon when a person had to be left behind on the hot air balloon ride to make room for me. So many places we did not go and things we did not do because I was too fat. Husband was understanding, but disappointed. And now twenty years later my fat continues to limit our lives.

Or not. I am praying for fat person courage. You know the kind, you suck it up, smile and just move forward into life through the wall of judgements. I can do it. I have done it before. I'll beg or borrow a swimsuit and some more clothes. I will go and do and smile.

It is hard to lie down in this bed I made of cheesecake and peanut butter.


Monday, March 7, 2011

Computer Promise

If anyone is still out there I am on my way back to blogging.

I am getting a new laptop next month!! Yeah and thank the Lord. It is currently on lay-a-way at Radio Shack. If I had known about lay-a-way I would have purchased a computer years ago. Oh well, live and learn.

I am a mess. Very fat (205) and very snowed in. I'll bet we have four feet on the flat with five foot berms, in the back yard. A couple of weekends ago I rode 66 miles on a snow mobile. It almost killed me. I now have bragging rights as a real Star Valley person.

Husband is fine, dog is sweeter each day and cat continues snotty. My winter isolation is over.

Love Bea