This is a hard blog to write. I am going to quit blogging for a while. I will still be reading.
I love to blog but I think instead of relieving my food problem/depression it is actually making it worse. I get on here and reveal stuff I wish I had kept to myself. Then I feel bad. Then I eat. Some of the stuff I am spilling out here I need to hold inside and examine before letting it go public. I am tired of writing about my wretched condition. Seeing the words in print just seems to reinforce my sorry state.
I have also been relapsing big time. I have gained 20 pounds. It depresses me to go online and read everyone else's ongoing success stories when I feel so unsuccessful. I guess misery needs company.
I hit bottom with a thud on Saturday. I have been sugar abstinent since Monday. I will start flour abstinence next Monday. I want to be abstinent. No whining about the loss of the pleasure of sweets. No anger at not being able to eat like other people. No resentment about the prep time it takes to eat abstinently. Just relief that there is help for me and I know how to implement it.
I need an on the ground support system. I have gone it mostly alone up to now because that is part of the disease process, and there is no addictive eating anything in the wilds of Wyoming. I am researching my options for help.
Thank you all for YOUR support over the past couple of years. It has meant the world to me. See you in the new year.
Take care. Love Lynn