Husband was reading something last eve that referred to an advocacy group who is urging that a "fat tax" be added to the new health care reform bill. The new tax would be leveled against people with above average BMIs. The greater your BMI, the greater your tax. The tax was deemed necessary because fat people cost the health care system more money.
Horseshit. I don't know about you all but I have to be on my death bed before I darken the door of a health care facility. We just do not seek out health care. And when we are finally forced to, we are frequently offered substandard (read cheap) care. I'll bet overall less health care money is spent on us than our thinner compatriots. Mark told me about this idiot proposal just as we were going to bed. It mad me boiling mad. So mad I couldn't sleep. So mad I spent a good portion of the night sitting on the sofa thinking. And this is what I thought.
How long Oh Lord am I going to be defined by my fat? The print/video world is always ready to squash me like a bug because of my "elevated BMI." But do I have to agree with that world? Maybe not. Went to a another party this past weekend. Sat with someone who I did not know very well. In the course of our becoming acquainted I brought up my struggle with my weight. This person said, "I didn't know you had a weight problem." There I sat in all my fat, and she couldn't tell I had a weight problem? I was astounded. What gives? I think I might look fatter to me than I do to the world at large. (no pun) Hard to accept, but I guess I do not look obese. Just run of the mill overweight. Ho hum, no big deal. (again no pun) So if the folks I meet and the folks I know do not define me by my fat, WHY THE HECK AM I STILL DOING IT?
Because I am unwilling to let go of my past. I am more comfortable with who I was than who I am. I am not a nurse, I am not a historian, I am not a wounded sexual abuse victim and apparently I am no longer fat enough to cause comment. I am label less in my head. Does that make me a nothing? Sure feels like a nothing. Again around the same mountain.
Life is busy. Washing windows and curtains. Finished new flower bed. Carpet cleaning next on the agenda. Family coming second weekend in August. Fair will soon be in full swing. Pigs next door are on short time. Apples on the tree are beginning to blush. Hummingbirds are drinking me out of pounds of sugar water. Husband is in love with lawn tractor. Life is summery good.
Take care. Love Bea
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Still MIA
Gad it has been almost two weeks since I have even been near the computer. Summer has hit with a vengeance. Has finally warmed up and lawn and plants are growing like weeds. So are the weeds. Visitors and socializing are at an all time high. I almost long for a snow day. Strike that comment with a stick. It froze the week before last during the night. I no want cold no more.
I went to my physical and mamo apts. I have been having dreams about being raped ever since. My psyche does not like anyone touching my body. Had blood work done a couple of months ago at the health fair. Doctor reviewed it at this latest appointment. Blood work shows me as anemic. I don't think I am now. I think I was low on red blood cells because I had just donated a couple of days previous. I told doc this and suggested I get a blood panel now to check. But no, he is convinced I have gastrointestinal bleeding and need a colonoscopy. Give me strength. Yes I probably do need as colonoscopy as I am over fifty and have never had one. (Two saddled horses just strolled by reigns dragging on the ground. No, make that three. No riders in sight. Neighbor girl must be training them for the fair.) After much soul searching, I think I will go ahead with the procedure. But not because I think I have GI bleeding. I will do it because it is another opportunity to take care of myself. I hate going to the doctor. I went in for an annual physical and to get my prescriptions renewed and came out with bowel cancer. Oh yes, mamo went fine...no doctors involved. Phooey. (Okay here comes Rae with the horses. She must have been making them walk around the block.)
Sorry to all that I have not been reading. I miss you. Mark uses this desktop computer in the evening and I have been working like a dog during the days. So no computing. Next month is computer month for me!!! I have info about laptops coming out my ears and am way confused. Do I need a web cam and audio? Do I need a 15 or 17 inch screen? Do I need to burn CD's and DVD's ? How many USB ports do I need? What software do you all have that you couldn't live without? Do I need the pad that goes under the laptop to keep it cool? Do I need a mini mouse? What gadgets do you have on your computers that you couldn't live without? Thank you for your help.
Say a prayer for me about the colonoscopy. I am scared sick.
Enjoy the sunshine. I am. Love and kisses. Bea
I went to my physical and mamo apts. I have been having dreams about being raped ever since. My psyche does not like anyone touching my body. Had blood work done a couple of months ago at the health fair. Doctor reviewed it at this latest appointment. Blood work shows me as anemic. I don't think I am now. I think I was low on red blood cells because I had just donated a couple of days previous. I told doc this and suggested I get a blood panel now to check. But no, he is convinced I have gastrointestinal bleeding and need a colonoscopy. Give me strength. Yes I probably do need as colonoscopy as I am over fifty and have never had one. (Two saddled horses just strolled by reigns dragging on the ground. No, make that three. No riders in sight. Neighbor girl must be training them for the fair.) After much soul searching, I think I will go ahead with the procedure. But not because I think I have GI bleeding. I will do it because it is another opportunity to take care of myself. I hate going to the doctor. I went in for an annual physical and to get my prescriptions renewed and came out with bowel cancer. Oh yes, mamo went fine...no doctors involved. Phooey. (Okay here comes Rae with the horses. She must have been making them walk around the block.)
Sorry to all that I have not been reading. I miss you. Mark uses this desktop computer in the evening and I have been working like a dog during the days. So no computing. Next month is computer month for me!!! I have info about laptops coming out my ears and am way confused. Do I need a web cam and audio? Do I need a 15 or 17 inch screen? Do I need to burn CD's and DVD's ? How many USB ports do I need? What software do you all have that you couldn't live without? Do I need the pad that goes under the laptop to keep it cool? Do I need a mini mouse? What gadgets do you have on your computers that you couldn't live without? Thank you for your help.
Say a prayer for me about the colonoscopy. I am scared sick.
Enjoy the sunshine. I am. Love and kisses. Bea
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
MIA
Life has become complicated. I hate that. I am trying to do too many things in too little time. Here is a brief update of my fascinating life.
1. Yoga is great. I have identified my stiff areas. Turns out my upper body is fairly limber and my hips are practically set in stone. I am working on this. We had seven people at the last class. Yoga Jan and I were so pleased as it was just us a few weeks ago. Having to move the pews before each class is a pain in the...lower back.
2. Went back on my food plan. I am tired of feeling like hell as well as being fatter. Sugar is my enemy. Why can't I remember that?
3. Have appointments for physical and mammo. This is a major deal for me.
4. Mark may run for office. I am trying to decide if I can cope with all of the crap that goes with the decision.
5. I have turned some sort of corner self esteem wise. I am what I am and you either like me or not. Makes me no mind. I like me. I am a hoot.
6. Attended a dinner of wealthy retirees (golfers) on the Fourth. There were 400 of us in the RV Resort "Barn." Was like watching very well dressed tan people dancing on the deck of the Titanic. Tres weird.
7. Was in the parade in one of the little burgs up here. Had a grand time.
8. Moll Dogs is terrified of fireworks and thunder. We have had fire works and storms for a week. She has been sleeping in the bathtub with a radio going. I hate pretentious NPR but it is all I can pick up other than country and western. So I have been listening along with her. Ugh.
9. We were given an old lawn tractor. It runs and saws off the grass. I spent my summers mowing lawns as a kid. Turns out I can still whiz around on a tractor. Sure beats the electric push mower.
10. Figured out my CA conundrum. In the past all my "fun" trips to the Land of OZ were filled with fear and misery. No wonder my body did not want to go. Has taken my brain a little while to put the pieces together.
11. Haven't watched the tube for a while. I am busy during the day and am sitting out on the deck feeding the mosquitoes of an evening. Am reading about France in the thirties. A much needed relief from self help stuff.
12. Have signed up to do way to much stuff at church. This is coming to an end. I am quitting committees.
That's all folks. I will be doing catch up reading later when I get this darn policy for the church Stewardship Committee done. I used to get paid for writing policies and procedures. I loved it. Turns out I don't love it no more. Well I better get cracking, I have to present it at the Council mtg. tonight.
Hosta la veesta Babies. Bea
1. Yoga is great. I have identified my stiff areas. Turns out my upper body is fairly limber and my hips are practically set in stone. I am working on this. We had seven people at the last class. Yoga Jan and I were so pleased as it was just us a few weeks ago. Having to move the pews before each class is a pain in the...lower back.
2. Went back on my food plan. I am tired of feeling like hell as well as being fatter. Sugar is my enemy. Why can't I remember that?
3. Have appointments for physical and mammo. This is a major deal for me.
4. Mark may run for office. I am trying to decide if I can cope with all of the crap that goes with the decision.
5. I have turned some sort of corner self esteem wise. I am what I am and you either like me or not. Makes me no mind. I like me. I am a hoot.
6. Attended a dinner of wealthy retirees (golfers) on the Fourth. There were 400 of us in the RV Resort "Barn." Was like watching very well dressed tan people dancing on the deck of the Titanic. Tres weird.
7. Was in the parade in one of the little burgs up here. Had a grand time.
8. Moll Dogs is terrified of fireworks and thunder. We have had fire works and storms for a week. She has been sleeping in the bathtub with a radio going. I hate pretentious NPR but it is all I can pick up other than country and western. So I have been listening along with her. Ugh.
9. We were given an old lawn tractor. It runs and saws off the grass. I spent my summers mowing lawns as a kid. Turns out I can still whiz around on a tractor. Sure beats the electric push mower.
10. Figured out my CA conundrum. In the past all my "fun" trips to the Land of OZ were filled with fear and misery. No wonder my body did not want to go. Has taken my brain a little while to put the pieces together.
11. Haven't watched the tube for a while. I am busy during the day and am sitting out on the deck feeding the mosquitoes of an evening. Am reading about France in the thirties. A much needed relief from self help stuff.
12. Have signed up to do way to much stuff at church. This is coming to an end. I am quitting committees.
That's all folks. I will be doing catch up reading later when I get this darn policy for the church Stewardship Committee done. I used to get paid for writing policies and procedures. I loved it. Turns out I don't love it no more. Well I better get cracking, I have to present it at the Council mtg. tonight.
Hosta la veesta Babies. Bea
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)