Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Update Time

As is my wont during the Holiday season I have been dragging bottom. When I drag bottom I want to isolate. Thank God I have friends who won't allow me to slink off into oblivion. I HATE their "interference" and "nosiness" but boy do I need it.

I hit 201 pounds a week ago. Scary, very scary. I feel like I can't control my eating. I know I can. My answer is the food plan outlined in Kay Sheperd's books. I am again slowly moving toward an abstinent food life. I am soooo grateful for the information I know. I hate hating myself. If I eat abstinently then I feel good. Good physically, mentally and spiritually. I am again at the surrender point. Wanting what I want when I want it only leads to destruction. To be truly full and content I need to limit my eating. And my spending and my tv watching and my other undisciplined behaviours.

Thanksgiving Day was pretty good. We went to friends' and I overate but not too bad. The real killer was last week's church Greening and Christmas party. I knew I shouldn't go. My Christmas clothes were too tight and I felt like a slob. I knew I was too vulnerable. But it was my "duty" to attend. (This condition of being "dutified" is common to Us all. I have had this condition since childhood. Since I have spent a goodly portion of my life in church the condition has played out allot in that venue. I am always at odds with myself over what I "should" do and what I want to do. Since God is involved the weight of the "shoulds" is heavy.) So I went. I had problems from the get go. I won't go into all of it but the evening came to a close with me telling off the pastor. Gad. I am an ass.

God has given me some revelations in the days since the party.

1. God does not see me as I see myself or as the culture sees me. He loves me unconditionally and desires my companionship above my service.
2. I cannot respect/love myself and be out of control.
3. I will not progress in any other area of my life until I completely embrace and address my food addictions.
4. Recovery is not selfish. It is God honoring at my highest.

So...
1. I went back on the hormones. I slapped a patch on my butt two days ago. I hope to be sleeping more in the nights to come. I hope to soon be flashing less. I hope to pick less doctrinal fights with the pastor.

2. I increased my Vit D to 4000 units per day. I got out my sunlight lamp and put it by my chair.

3. I am resigning myself to shoveling snow for an hour per day. I am looking at it as my exercise program instead of resenting it.

4. I am working my way back to the food plan. Each day I get more of the sugar and flour out of my diet and house. I found my food scale and am using it. I am using the measuring cups.

5. I put my bathroom scale in the closet.

6. I bought some new larger size clothing.

7. I am reaching out to friends and being vulnerable.

8. I am refusing to feel guilty about not measuring up to my standards of what a Christian should be.

9. I am reading my Bible daily with an eye for revelation.

10. I am praying so as to be "with" God.

Amen and the end.

Love Lynn

16 comments:

Vickie said...

I smiled at your 'having' to go and then telling off the pastor. There is funny in that.

In fact I smiled at much of what you wrote. Because it is familiar to me (in relating myself) and because there is humor in the truth.

Not saying you should internet surf. But it seems that perhaps it would help to write/account for yourself. Blogging is an excellent way to listen to yourself, IF one does not 'hide/avoid' their life away reading others blogs.

debby said...

Ha! I picked up on the same 'funny' that Vickie did. Oh I have been so close. Told them off (in my mind) in so many clever ways. Fortunately was able to keep myself in a different room (or town) when the 'inspiration' struck.

Your determination is inspirational.

MsTrixx said...

Peace on earth and to you too, Bea. You are moving in a positive direction and that is all that god or anyone asks or wishes. Keep on keepin'on.....it beats the alternative.

Vickie said...

Merry Christmas!

Vickie said...

Happy New Year!

Annimal said...

Good to hear from you. Happy 2011 to you.

Anonymous said...

mzxhjxnli [url=http://ricostrong.net]Rico Strong[/url]

Vickie said...

you are over due for you monthly update!!!

since we are living in very snowy land ourselves - assuming snow shoveling, trying to keep warm, and frozen water lines are the name of the game where you are.

Cindy...154 said...

hopeing to hear more soon..

Anonymous said...

Hi, Just came back here to remind you about Mobile Monopoly. It is a superb system and WILL make you money, especially seeing as you own a website. Take a quick look at their video, the system is about using Mobile Advertising which is brand new and an unexposed market where you can make thousands by doing hardly any work. I promise you that after you watch their short video it will change you and it will start making you think. http://mobile-mastermind.com

Vickie said...

two months as of today, how are things going?

mumtotwo said...

everything ok?
x

ninest123 said...

ninest123 16.03
ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, ray ban sunglasses, gucci outlet, nike free, longchamp, cheap oakley sunglasses, uggs on sale, tiffany and co, prada outlet, jordan shoes, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, prada handbags, oakley sunglasses, chanel handbags, burberry outlet online, tory burch outlet, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin outlet, nike outlet, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors, louboutin, oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry, louboutin shoes, replica watches, louis vuitton, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton, louis vuitton outlet, replica watches, nike air max, nike air max, longchamp outlet, louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, ugg boots, ugg boots

ninest123 said...

ray ban uk, hogan, air force, nike roshe run, kate spade handbags, hermes, michael kors, mulberry, true religion jeans, lululemon, sac guess, abercrombie and fitch, air jordan pas cher, longchamp pas cher, burberry, coach purses, michael kors, nike air max, true religion outlet, michael kors, sac longchamp, nike free, oakley pas cher, nike blazer, hollister, new balance pas cher, ralph lauren uk, true religion jeans, nike air max, north face, vanessa bruno, converse pas cher, air max, coach outlet, louboutin pas cher, tn pas cher, kate spade outlet, north face, nike free run uk, coach outlet, true religion jeans, lacoste pas cher, nike air max, ralph lauren pas cher, michael kors, hollister pas cher, vans pas cher, replica handbags, ray ban pas cher, timberland

ninest123 said...

nike air max, wedding dresses, babyliss, ipad cases, new balance, p90x workout, valentino shoes, vans shoes, iphone cases, iphone 6 cases, ferragamo shoes, north face outlet, iphone 6s plus cases, mcm handbags, nike trainers, hollister, instyler, longchamp, iphone 5s cases, nfl jerseys, oakley, louboutin, birkin bag, iphone 6 plus cases, nike roshe, abercrombie and fitch, nike roshe, soccer shoes, mont blanc, beats by dre, chi flat iron, celine handbags, ghd, mac cosmetics, soccer jerseys, herve leger, asics running shoes, iphone 6s cases, bottega veneta, nike huarache, s5 cases, baseball bats, hollister, hollister, giuseppe zanotti, reebok shoes, ralph lauren, jimmy choo shoes, timberland boots, insanity workout, north face outlet, lululemon

ninest123 said...

ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, moncler, moncler, converse, swarovski, marc jacobs, louis vuitton, juicy couture outlet, sac louis vuitton pas cher, hollister, canada goose, wedding dresses, coach outlet, canada goose outlet, pandora jewelry, canada goose, toms shoes, moncler, canada goose outlet, juicy couture outlet, links of london, pandora charms, pandora jewelry, moncler, barbour jackets, moncler, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, ray ban, canada goose, lancel, gucci, replica watches, doudoune canada goose, bottes ugg, converse outlet, swarovski crystal, thomas sabo, louis vuitton, moncler, ugg boots uk, canada goose uk, supra shoes, moncler outlet, louis vuitton, pandora charms, karen millen, montre pas cher, ugg pas cher, canada goose, moncler, barbour, louis vuitton
ninest123 16.03