I think I am depressed. Not as a character flaw but as a diagnosis. Semantics make all the difference.
I have down days. I mean days when I am unable to get up, either emotionally or physically. I fight these days tooth and nail. My main weapon is self abuse. I call myself a lazy slug, slob, ungrateful wretch, and pointless to name a few. Is self abuse an effective weapon? Hardly. So why do I use it? Because depression is a character flaw and I have to kill it. It is part and parcel of my old sinful nature and it is my Christian duty to squash this evidence of original sin like a bug. Somewhere I got the notion castigation could kill sin and SHOULD be used as the first weapon of choice.
Where do I come up with this stuff? I think I was taught it. I think it may be modified Calvinism but I am not sure. Anyhoo, it is majorly unhelpful and I am trying to rid myself of it. In comes Catholicism. Catholics believe our created bodies are Good, parts of the Body of Christ. So...if my depression is part of my body (inherited like my blond hair) then it and its manifestations (down days) are not evil, and I am not evil for having them. I have an inherited condition for which I am obligated to seek treatment to keep this Good body and mind in health. I do not need to war against my depression but seek care for it. I begin by not being surprised by my down days and fighting against them. I treat them. If you are physically sick you take medicine and/or take to your bed. If I am depressed I need to love my body/mind and minister to it. Ministering does not mean all the sugar I can eat. That would be more self abuse. Ministering does not mean isolation. Again more self abuse. Ministering means, what...? This I am still trying to work out. Any suggestions would be welcomed.
Thanks, Love Bea.