I am feeling empty. I am reading a book that tells me I should learn to live with this feeling. I should in fact seek out this feeling and "be" with it. Not run from it with activity or fill it up with food. Apparently learning to tolerate the empty space is the road to wisdom. No I am not Buddhist.
I fear the empty space because of the self loathing that rushes in on its coattails. I am instructed to learn to tolerate that feeling also. Tolerate self loathing? Very foreign thinking. I am usually instructed to chase self love. I am further instructed to verbalize the emptiness and self loathing. Whoa Nellie, this is a long way from affirmations. Mayn't I just dig the groove of self hate deeper?
Okay here goes, "I am an ungrateful fat lazy slob who is intermittently depressed and leads a pointless existence and is a drag on all those around me. I am selfish and take but do not give." I am instructed to repeat this as many times as needed?!!! As needed for what? Suicide?
I am going to give this a whirl. If I don't blog again for awhile break out the black dresses.
Love, from the ungrateful fat lazy slob who is intermittently depressed and leads a pointless existence and is a drag on all those around me. I will print it up on cards.