A Good Woman's Lament
I want to go camping and not do the newsletter.
I want to have lunch and laugh and not have a meeting afterward.
"I don't want to worry about declining attendance."
I want to worship at Dunkin Donuts and sing hymns out of the Style section of the newspaper.
I want to drink lattes in the afternoon and not fold the bulletin.
I don't want to be president, vice president, recording secretary, treasurer or "hostess" of anything.
I want to have hilarious holiday dinner parties in the backrooms of restaurants and not in my house.
I want to luxuriate in hanging out my laundry on the line and cooking from scratch.
I do not want to take turns teaching Sunday School.
I do not want to help at all the funerals.
"Let's pay for a janitor and not do it ourselves."
I want to buy baked goods from the Bazaar table, not make them.
I do not want to organize a yard sale in aid of anything.
I want to go to the swimming pool and swim and not do water aerobics.
I want to have friends over and talk, not entertain.
I want to go to Bible study and not adopt a single mother to take turns helping.
I want to read in the shade with an iced tea. I do not want to make banners and cookies for Vacation Bible School.
I want to skip my turn taking Communion to the old folks' home.
I do not want to put together a calendar of every one's birthdays and anniversaries so we can send cards.
I want to talk on the phone for three hours with a friend.
"No I will not go the the Convention again this year. Four grown women in one room was not a 'barrel of laughs '."
I want a six foot fence in the backyard.
I want to eat McDonald's hamburgers at the cemetery overlook of a summer's eve and admire the green quiet.
I want to sing loudly in private and quietly in public. I do not want to be in the Christmas, Community or Church choir.
"I do not want to deliver food to the shut-ins. Meals-On-Wheels "is too" eatable."
"You can have my slot for serving every Thursday at the Soup Kitchen."
I want to eat off of paper plates, and have to dust to admire the beauty of my good china.
I want to skip all fellowship dinners, coffees and picnics.
I want to write and receive long letters.
"Let's pay for yard care this year and not do it ourselves."
I don't want to be an election judge...again.
I am not taking one more salad or dessert to anything.
"Here's some money. You go buy the wedding, baby, graduation, birthday, anniversary and holiday gifts."
I want to browse in an old book store until I can't breathe.
'No I don't want to babysit or carpool."
I want to place plastic flowers on all the graves, and not go back and pick them up the next day.
"No. We keep hamsters in the spare room. Stay in a hotel."
I want to turn on the answering machine...and then not return any calls.
I want to eat chocolate covered peanuts for Sunday dinner.
I want to iron and watch old English sitcoms.
"If we are out of communion wafers, use crackers."
"No I am not going to be a community booster. I want to shop in Paris."
"If the club has secret pass words and odd clothing accessories, count me out."
"I hate bridge, so...no."
"If the organization can't pay the bills let's sell the building and meet in the community hall. Or not at all."
I want to get a monthly massage and pedicure.
"You collected it, you deposit it."
"No I am not going to buy the twenty-seven extra boxes of Thin Mints."
I want to teach the cats to walk on a leash.
I'm giving up Lent for...ever.
"At fifty-one I am too old to join a sorority, so...no."
I want to make people laugh and I want to laugh with them.
I want to eat crunchy bread and peanut butter for Easter dinner.
I want to throw my old magazines and news papers in the trash and not chauffeur them around for a week in the trunk of my car on the way to the recycling center.
"You can have my every Wednesday shift at the Charity Shoppe too."
I want to read old travelogues and eat popcorn.
I want to have spur of the moment ice cream cones, and sex.
"No I do not want to "club together" to clean and paint all the outside toilets."
"Then hire someone to preserve local history."
"I want the volunteers to be unorganized and unsupervised."
"I do not care if there is a blizzard and the roads are closed. I will not put up a busload of elderly women from Ohio."
I am skipping all events having to do with all local schools.
"I am not foster parent material, so...no."
"I don't have small children. I do not want to join MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers.)"
"I am not going to deliver all those baskets again this year."
I hate reading the lessons every Sunday.
I want to sit on a beach and watch the sun set.
Take care Good women, Love Bea