Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wending My Way,

back toward health in spite of an outrageous number of invites to eat out. When I first started The Plan I refused to eat anywhere other than home. If you want to have no friends this works, otherwise, not. So...this time around I am working with the food presented to me, and then I go back to The Plan for the next meal. Since I am no longer interested in rapidly losing gobs of weight I think this strategy will work. Amazing what putting that scale in the closet has done for me. To let go of the daily weight check is like taking off a tight girdle. Ho, ho. I am eating in a healthy way to feel better physically, emotionally and mentally. If weight loss follows so be it. If not, then I guess I will make peace with the weight my body desires.

I am still cleaning out the freezer, fridge and pantry. Gad what a lot of off Plan stuff I have accumulated. Muffin mixes, pancake mix, stuffing mix, bread machine mixes, white flour, whole wheat flour, whole wheat pastry flour, rye flour, flat breads, tortillas (whole wheat and corn), honey wheat bread, cinnamon and orange rolls, pizza dough and frozen left over cake. See a pattern here? I apparently love the baked stuff. (I thought my major down fall was cheesecake and peanut M&M's. You learn something new every day.) I have also been acquiring the accoutrement of baking: raisins, craisins, currants, dried apricots, white sugar, brown sugar, powdered sugar, molasses, corn syrup, maple syrup, Hershey's syrup, vanilla, nuts of every vintage, butterscotch chips, chocolate chips and flaked coconut. To go on all those scones, muffins, biscuits and toast I purchased apple butter, marmalade, apricot preserves, raspberry preserves, honey and grape jelly (for Mark.) And this is just the sweet stuff. My salt obsession was met with olives, pickles, salsa, V-8 juice, Calmato juice, chips and microwave popcorn.

The church food pantry made a huge hall last Sunday.

I am having fun going back to being inventive with beans. (Hi Vickie) Rice and oatmeal and barley have also reappeared on my shelves. Mark is delighted with the increased amounts of meat I am serving. He dearly loves unadorned grilled meat and a potato for the evening meal. I am learning to make thick soups to pour over salad greens for our lunches. I made a jambalaya yesterday to die for. Today is split peas and ham. I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE TURKEY SAUSAGE THAT DOES NOT GAG US. I need to get more creative with my bedtime snack. I have about exhausted the possibilities of fruit and yogurt. Any and all suggestions gladly welcomed.

My exercise is curtailed at the moment because I fell off the deck and messed up my shoulder. But this too will pass and I will enlist at Curves. All in all I feel like I have a new lease on life.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea

P.S. I have a massage scheduled for next Tuesday.


Vickie said...

Saw your note-

Oddly enough Kate also talked about this very thing in yoga yesterday.

she talked about letting the outside world
decide/dictate (outside pushing in)
letting our 'life/stuff' happen from the inside out.

And she did use the very same words - victim stance and self sabotage.

She also went on to talk about how she can see it in a person's posture -
shoulders back/chest out - strong and tall and holding ones ground
hunched over and self protective and making ones' self as small as possible.

My therapist will be interested in this - we often remark that the people that are OVER weight have the much the same baggage/stuff going on behind the fat as the people that are very underweight. I have been saying this myself for years now - two sides of the same coin. The weight (under or over) is just WHAT WE CAN SEE - there is much behind it.

If I seem vague - it is not on purpose - I am just not trained to express it. This would definitely be something to address with a trained person/therapist. I actually doubt ANYONE could figure it out for themselves, about themselves without an objective eye to guide.

I (think) I see self sabotage a lot - putting oneself in harms way (on a small scale) in blog land - where the inevitable is going to happen - things like food/baking, $$$, to do lists that are two miles long and impossible to achieve, family conflicts, expectations for others, etc.

And I do THINK that I see more self sabotage in people that seem to have victim stance***.

But I might be all wet and seeing things that aren't there. I am certainly not trained.

***I recognize that often they really were literal victims (sometimes on a large scale) or sometimes the family dynamics were such that they assumed/were taught that identity. I am not saying that anyone chooses to be a victim or asks for it. I am saying that I suppose we all have different versions of stances - and that is one of many.

LG said...

I think it's really hard at the beginning of changing your food plan to go out. It's not just that you have to figure out where the land mines are (alcohol? snacks?, etc.) but also it's so easy to let yourself "have a little fun."

Maybe you can use the salsa to add to your salads? Sort of make a Mexican salad with some refried beans or just plain black beans? You could get your spicy craving in that without damage.

I have to say, the other night I was sooo craving a steak, salad and a baked potato.

As for your bedtime snack, are you looking for something sort of sweet or protein or what? My first thought was oatmeal, maybe flavored with cinnamon.

You sound like you're in a good spot and that makes me happy.

Cindy154 said...

Wow this all sounds great! I, too, an a fan of plain meat. I avoid sauces and butters, etc. Eating out is tricky but do-able. I love the peace and stability of plain healthy foods in their most natural states going in to the body for the purpose of nourishment.

Cindy...154 said...

I just started a healthier food plan and want to stick to it. I found myself thinking I could just not go anywhere for a while so I can adjust. I know how you feel about the eating out. Work is the same way sometimes with the food fests but at least I can avoid those by just not walking over to where they are.

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