I hate stupid shades of grey. Not having absolutes makes me depressed. Take losing weight for instance. (That last sentence was supposed to be ironic.) I want to make up my mind, plan, statement, whatever and have a stopping and a starting point. I want to draw a line in the sand and then build a concrete wall on it. I want to be sure of a thing. I hate wandering around in a land of constantly shifting barriers.
I know where the longing for absolutes comes from. I know it is common to to women of my background. And you know what? Knowing is not all it is cracked up to be. And of limited practical value.
How do y'all cope with the living in rainbow land? ("Rainbow land" is more cheerful than shades of grey I thought.) It seems I can't respect myself unless I am functioning in black and white. It seems I can't be at peace unless I am functioning in black and white. It seems as though I can't think unless it is in black and white. How do most folks live in a world of shifting sand? I am sure I don't know.
Okay, after that depressing little diatribe I will cheer up a tad and tell you how the dinner went. Dinner was fine, I was a mess. I ended up with thirteen adults and four kids. We had enough food and drink. That was good. We had enough chairs to eat dinner. That was good. Guests had fun fellowship I think. That was good. I was mad as hell the whole time. That was bad. Gad am I a putz. I wasted a nice evening with friends seething inside about being taken advantage of. Since I invited all these people I am not sure who I thought was taking advantage of me. I want to enjoy people in my home so I invite them over, and then I promptly begin to hate them. What is my deal anyway?
Good bye cruel world from your fat depressed friend, Lynn.