Saturday, November 8, 2008

Out of the Loop

Thanks guys for all of your comments about my friend's surgery. I feel a little less like an envious creep now.

Has been a hard week all around. A friend was laid off her job after working at the same hospital for twenty years. She was summarily let go and then escorted out of the building by a security guard. I thought this stuff only happened in the movies.

Mentor Mary's granddaughter was killed in a car accident on Thursday. Mary is coping but is in great pain. She said, " At 82 I am no stranger to tragedy, and it hurts the same each and every time." Please pray for her and for friend Kim.

Both of these events make being fat seem like a cake walk. No pun intended.

I am still reading and learning about feeling my feelings. Sitting with them and not eating is hard. I have figured out where my "overwhelmedness" comes from. I can now recognize my chest swelling on the inside when the feeling takes me over. All to do with the past of course. Just knowing that overwhelmed feeling is an unprocessed childhood reaction has been a God send. When I begin to feel it I can choose to sit down and look through my memories and see what surfaces. Has been real interesting what has come up. When I remember stuff then comes the hard part. I have to sit still and let the memories and all the accompanying emotions wash over me. If I can stand the emotions (and not eat) I eventually sort of pop thru on the other side of them. This feels like a miracle. Finally feeling the old buried stuff...diffuses it. I can then look at the "stuff" as a fifty-one year old woman and decide how I want to feel about it. I do not have to keep reacting like a child. I have allot of work ahead of me but I am eager to get to it.

Take care of yourselves. And I mean that. Love Lynn


Anonymous said...

My heart is breaking for Mary, she seems such a fountain of wisdom. I am so sorry.

Vickie said...

I am so sorry for Mary's loss.

I think this might be the best post - yet - that you have written about dealing with past emotions. If made me think of fuel - if you let them just run out - run their course - they start to run out of fuel???

Annimal said...

I can not fathom losing a child or grandchild. It just is the ultimate heartbreak and does put our petty daily worries into perspective. As I get older I am trying to keep that perspective on a daily basis instead of slipping into the old habit of taking life/loved ones for granted. When I get up in the morning, I feel my husband's warm softly snoring body next to me and I think "Thank God for this day". I may not have another.
A 53 year old friend lost her battle with breast cancer last week. I didn't know she was out of remission. Last time we spoke she was doing great. It came back with a vengeance, mets to the brain/bone and she was taken very quickly. Now her two children are motherless and her husband widowed. Every minute is a gift. Every relationship is to be cherished.
I want to achieve my goal of self-satisfaction before I die. I want to put to rest old sabotaging behaviors that don't lead to my goals.
I want to remember every day what matters, and what doesn't.

Vickie said...

I am wondering if I DO need to go back in and have my meds adjusted.

Vickie said...

copy and paste that link - go read it - it will make you feel better about your friend's surgery.