Thursday, October 8, 2009

Garbo and Me, (Greta not Marx)

We have been traveling around the state visiting friends and relations. A good time was had by all. The one exception was having to travel a whole gob more miles because Yellowstone was on fire, again.

I am out of step with the times. I do not want to:

1. Twitter or tweet
2. Face up to Face book
3. Read all the emails forwarded to me
4. Text
5. Keep my cell phone turned on
6. Ride the continual wave on the blog surf
7. Kindle my books
8. IPod my music
9. GPS my travels
10. Pay my bills on-line.

Because I stubbornly refuse to be available to all comers at all hours, I am losing contact with people. I most bitterly regret that.

I love silence. I luxuriate in silence. I stretch and relax and purr in the silence. I regenerate in silence. I pray and am heard in silence. Continual noisy activity jangles and jars me. It sucks out my being. It is no surprise I wrote a thesis about medieval anchoresses, women walled up in a cell connected to a church. A bed, a table and chair, a good fire, a loving cat, a few victuals, books, pen and paper, and a small window to the outside world, my idea of Heaven on Earth.

My need for long stretches of quiet time is always misunderstood as lack of love and interest. Not true. I value my family and friends much more than they know. My need for contact is vital, but not daily, weekly, monthly or God forbid by the minute. This attitude is considered selfish and narcissistic at worst or standoffish and odd at best. It has cost me relationships, opportunities and experiences I was loathe to lose.

In my doldrums I believe myself to be a mentally ill neurotic who isolates herself in fear of a world she cannot control. Like my mother. In my blessedness I believe myself to be a quiet deep reservoir into whom flows Grace and out of whom flows Love and Peace. Like my God. I expect it is some of both. Anyway if you are still out there reading, for my part know you remain connected to me by intention if not deed.

We will leave soon for friend Kim's wedding. I am looking forward to it. I hope to heck it doesn't snow the whole darn way. I haven't yet got my winter legs.

Take care, Love Bea

9 comments:

Cindy...154 said...

I liked this post very much. I love my quiet withdrawn times but I have always been told I "isolate" when I do it but now I realize it is actually something I do to take care of myself. I eventually feel "social" again. when the weather starts cooling down in the fall I love the idea of curling up in the house by the fire.

Vickie said...

Of all the on line things you listed - my cell is always on/with me - but only my immediate family has the number.

I use my Ipod constantly - but in the same way that I use the DVR - to schedule WHEN I listen to what I WANT. And mostly that is This American Life, Wait Wait, Car Talk from NPR. And they are all free.

All the other things you listed - I see as annoyances. And my kids avoid most of them. They see them as big time suckers/wasters.

Vickie said...

And my posting each day - is my journal or therapy. But I do not spend much time on the internet or cruising other blogs - I have a few that I check. but not many.

mumtotwo said...

oh my GOSH!!!!!!!!! you write so beautifully. i can't believe how gorgeous this paragraph is...

"In my doldrums I believe myself to be a mentally ill neurotic who isolates herself in fear of a world she cannot control. Like my mother. In my blessedness I believe myself to be a quiet deep reservoir into whom flows Grace and out of whom flows Love and Peace. Like my God. I expect it is some of both. Anyway if you are still out there reading, for my part know you remain connected to me by intention if not deed"

wow...i want to send that to everyone i know and pretend i wrote it. won't do that, but WANT too.
you are fab!!!!!!!!!! so talented.
x

A Canadian Reader said...

Just thought you might be interested.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brian-levin-jd/as-hate-bill-passes-one-m_b_315264.html

Annimal said...

Just so you check in once in a while.
I'll be here.
BTW, my list is pretty similar to yours.
(Yellowstone burning put a cramp in our fall plans too--rats)

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