There is a lake somewhere in Africa or India that turns over once a year. All the debris from the bottom is washed up into the light of day. Something like that is happening to me.
I have lost three pounds. Not much for two weeks of more controlled eating. It is taking me a long time to get back into the swing of things. A "clean" kitchen and pantry do not happen overnight. I am using up the items I bought that are not so beneficial for me. As these run out I buy the healthy stuff. (Once again I am delighted to realize meat and veg are cheaper than processed food.) I don't care that I am off to a slow start. This is not so much about weight loss this time. It is about surrendering my desire to have what I want when I want it. I have spent years gratifying most of my desires. The fact that my desires are modest does not mitigate my out of controlness. With money also. Just because we are not dead broke does not excuse my buying stuff I should not be buying. I want a better life. I can envision the life I want. I have a promise from God for a better life, IF I DO MY PART. I am going to do my part. I am going to be out of debt (minimal prob) and thinner (maximal prob). I am asking God for help every step of the way.
I am a person who likes order. I have felt bad about this desire even while realizing it is a God given part of my personality. Hard to live an out of control life while loving order. Makes me hate myself. I finally get it. God is not a god of chaos. My need for order is a blessed state. I can pursue order to my heart's content. Order not perfectionism. Order leaves margin for error. Mine and other people's. Perfectionism brooks no failure anytime, anyplace or in anyone.
Back to doing my part. I am making change one baby step (thanks Vickie) at a time. Order is motivated baby steps. Perfectionism is turning the world upside down for overwhelming immediate change.
First Baby Step: I pray daily for patience and perseverance. I have outlined my weak areas. I pray in the mornings for God to strengthen me in these specific areas. That is it for now
Animals are fine. Abby new cat is getting cuter and cuter. Weather is cold. Way below zero most mornings. Has warmed up and is snowing. Is that better? Not sure. Husband has cabin fever. Mee too. Okay off to the races. See you next week.