Monday, April 7, 2008

Black and White

I am rigid, rigid, rigid.

I have been thinking about many things in the past week. For starters, I have become a web whiner. I get on here and gripe and moan. Is not making me feel good. Is making me feel bad. I have become so focused on what I perceive to be be wrong with my life I have lost sight of what is right. And much, much is right. For instance.

Last night I watched episode four of "I Can Make You Thin." Mark was downstairs so he watched with me. He had never before seen Paul McKenna. This week's show was another take on the finger squeeze association thing. We were to do the finger squeeze thing while associating something wonderful with exercise. Paul is very expressive and has that aggressive motivational style of speaking. He was about half way through with his explanation/demonstration of the technique when suddenly Mark jumped up from this chair, squeezed the thumb and middle finger of his right hand together, pointed them at me, and hollered "Expecto Patronum." Harry Potter beware.

After I became less hysterical we watched the rest of the show. When it was over I asked Mark what he thought. "What, no altar call" was all he said? sigh

I read or hear or see something that makes sense to me about weight loss and then I think I have to slavishly follow the whole of whatever plan has enlightened me. I currently have been caught between my no sugar, no flour addict food plan and the non-plan of Intuitive Eating. In my rigid black and white mind they could not both be correct. One or the other had to be the WAY. Vickie opened the door a crack with her comment about rigidity and then Mark's funny antics shoved it completely open. It was not a specific plan or formula that enabled me to lose the weight, it was that I ate less. Yes the nutritional content of food does matter. Yes non-processed foods do have less calories. Yes I did feel better when I was eating "clean." But I had made a religion out of it. I had come to believe the only way I could lose/maintain the weight was with a specific combination of foods. If I deviated at all I was in relapse and destined to gain back all the weight. I now see that feta cheese on my salad can be part of a healthy diet and does not have to derail my weight loss effort.

I can learn to bend. It is really the only Way.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea

Markovian theory: The next exercise craze to sweep the country will be sponsored by the National Social Health Movement. It will entail a synchronized high kicking hike followed by a series of straight arm exercises accompanied by the motivational shout "I'm Thinner."


Anonymous said...

I'm so, so, glad to read a really positive post from you. You looked so good when you were here last month and you have so much to offer it's hard to see you run yourself down all the time. The greatest thing is to love and be loved and you have both!! Marti

ar said...

Bea, you can whine as much as you like. I love all of what you are sharing with us. The black and the white and all the shades in between. You do ALL of them well :>)

I am totally envious of the special vibes between you and Mark. The humour is precious and awesome. A gift! I like the way Paul McKenna got brought back to earth as well. Think he deserved it and Mark deserves an Emmy for it :>)

Annimal said...

Mark is very honest with you. What a blessing in your life. My hubby "just loves me as I am" which is also a blessing. It makes me honest. I can in no way blame him for my habits, good or bad.
I think you are seeing the light about IE. I am convinced that it is the only way. Of course it isn't about eating a bag of oreos if that's what you want, but it is about guilt free eating, eating healthy and ENJOYING food.
That's my nirvana. Eating a couple bites of a totally scrumptious dessert and then throwing the rest away because I am full and the 3rd bite really doesn't taste as fabulous.
That's what I am aiming for.
Keep on whining.

Cindy164 said...

When I look at what I have been doing the past few years for weight loss I see a mixture of several disciplines. I have not been able to stick completely to one in particular but I use pricincples an practices from perhaps many. I have that black and white thinking in my bag of distorted thinking. I have to be careful with it because that's when I start dooming myself in my head. And I know where that leads me. I love reading your posts about the I Can Make You Thin show. The only part about that title that put me off was the word "Make" I always shy away from "make" perhaps because I have an authority problem..hee hee.

Lori said...

Mark is hysterical; I love his sense of humor and I understand why the two of you fit so well.

I think it's easy to think that things can work in a black and white world. There's no wiggle room, no room for negotiation and it's just follow the rules and hey presto-change-o, life will be good. But we all know deep down that it doesn't work that way. Life is messy. But boy, do we want some order in our lives, don't we? Perhaps the solution is what Cindy says; take what works from one and throw in something else from another plan that works.

I sent an email to you with my new blog address, btw.

ar said...

Thanks for all the tips Bea regarding thyroid hormones. Looks as though there is hope for a revival in the sixties. But before then I have to make it out of the fifties first, not my best years, in fact quite challenging.