Thursday, May 29, 2008

There and Back

I have never seen so much rain in my entire life. Rain is not a big thing in Wyoming. It may rain for a couple of hours but then it is over, and, if you go twenty miles you can drive out of it. Not so on Thursday. We drove in snow and sleet and hail and rain for twelve solid hours. We skirted two tornadoes. Poor Mollie. She hates rain and was forced to get out of the nice warm car at the rest stops to use the "pet area." As were her owners who stood right there beside her. We all smelled like wet dog by the time we got Home.

Home was very much like home. I defied the old saying and did go Home again. It was wonderful. Even the tornado watches and warnings. We sat in the basement listening to the radio just like I remembered doing as a kid. Luckily all the tornadoes went north of us. We went to all the cemeteries and decorated the graves. My mother's stone had come loose from the base so we had to get cement and secure it. Even that was good. Nothing like gluing down a tombstone to ground a person. I sure missed all the people whose graves we visited. But just being there allowed me to reconnect to them through memories. Home is emerald green and full of crops and cows and familiar sights and smells.

Mentor Mary is good. So is her husband. He has had a couple of strokes and requires a lot of care but is cheerful in spite of a lack of short term memory. He forgot I had lost weight. When I greeted him the first thing he said was, "My God you sure are not as fat as you were." Mary almost fell through the floor, but I think this may have been one of the best compliments I've ever received. We had fun with them. Someone gave them a cat a couple of months ago when their dear old cat died. You guessed it. The new cat was pregnant. They now have four kittens living in the clothes closet. Cutest damn cats in the world. It has been years since I have seen kittens. The kitties spent their time nursing, sleeping and making war on Mary's shoes. Before we left they had finally conquered her white terry cloth scuffs. Mark had to physically restrain me from bringing one home. Mollie was a peach the whole time we were gone and Mary's husband said she would make "a fine huntin' dog."

I seem to be having ..."hope surges" for lack of a better description. I noticed it first when we were driving around the countryside after visiting the graves. I was looking at familiar ground and was suddenly feeling the optimism I used to feel as a sixteen year old looking at those same fields and vistas. Feeling like all the world was before me and gobs of wonderful things were awaiting me just around the next corner. Not my usual way of being. These flashes of "happy youth" continue. I noticed this morning that I was excited about the prospect of summer. Sort of like I was expecting a myriad of new fun adventures. Now I am telling you straight out we do not have a fun filled summer planned. Mark has some awful trials coming up, we are too broke to go anywhere and we have to build a deck and paint the garage and shed. But still the notion persists that summer is coming and it it going to be grand. Weird huh?

I just finished "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth. A ground breaking book for me. It is about abused children and their use of food as an antidote to pain. I now know the difference between a compulsion and an addiction. I have been struggling with this difference for a year. I am a compulsive eater. I am not physically addicted to food. I have choice and there is an end to using food for somatic purposes. If I so choose I can be free. I so choose.

Hope you all had a drier holiday than me. Take care.

Love Bea


Vickie said...

I am so glad that you had a nice trip despite (or perhaps because of) the weather. It does sound very "grounded" on so many levels.

I have been thinking about the Monday is for Washing, etc. saying.

I had a friend that was raised in an orphanage (sp?) and that is what they followed.

she said having the routine to fall back on - as a child - made her feel very safe - she knew what to expect. She said she still follows that and it helps.

I am not doing different things on different days - but instead do the same simple things each morning and it really does seem to jump start my day.

I googled to see what the rest of the days were - and found this -

Monday Wash Day
Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility through the week ahead.

Tuesday Ironing Day
Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected though the years so that I may see the beauty in others.

Wednesday Mending Day
O God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.

Thursday Cleaning Day
Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.

Friday Shopping Day
O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love.

Saturday Cooking Day
Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.

Sunday The Lord's Day
O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please come into my heart so I may spend the day, and the rest of my life, in your presence.

Cindy154 said...

It is raining here almost all the time. My daughter says it is el nino and it will continue all summer. So I like the tropical atmosphere for my plants. What you said at the end about the book and knowing the difference between and addiction and a compulsion, Wow. I needed to hear that. I was just writing that I need to get that book. Your trip sounded so cool. Kittens in the closet. Crops and emerald green. Reminds me of my childhood. Farmers, feilds and slower living. Land stretching out around me. Thanks so much for your comment on my depression posting.

Cindy154 said...

Hey, the come visit you idea is something I have thought of already in the past. By myself, without kids. You are right, the X's never change. They are X's for a reason. I need to get that book, I have a coupon for Borders.. I'm calling them now..

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