I am jealous. So jealous I can hardly even be friendly, let alone interested.
I have a good friend who had gastric by-pass surgery four months ago. She has already lost 60+ pounds. She needed the surgery. It will give her her life back. I am glad she did it. And I almost can't stand to talk to her.
She wants to talk about renewed energy and new clothes and getting off medications. I just want to hang up the phone. You know why? In my heart of hearts...I feel she cheated. My head knows what a wonderful thing this is for she and her family. My heart wants to cut off all contact with her. She took the easy way out. I know this is stupid thinking. I know what the surgery entails and the lifelong consequences. And still I am still pissed that she got to do this and I didn't. She will be thin and not have to worry every darn day about the pounds coming back. I will have to struggle and worry forever (maybe) about my fat. Why wasn't I allowed to take the "easy" option too?
I am not fat enough, and never have been.
I think my high was about 255. I quit weighing at 248 so I am not sure. My friend is my height and age and was way over that. Her fat was killing her. Mine just made me vaguely miserable. And still does. I always, for the most part, was able to do what I wanted to do. I just looked awful and suffered with society's stigma about fat people. I still do.
This has all got me to thinking about, for me, when good enough will really be good enough. Francis wrote a blog a couple of weeks ago about the things she wants in her life. I was shocked to discover I already have most of the things she so desperately wants. The main thing in my life that I allow to make me miserable is my perceived inability to lose my fat forever.
Am I wasting my life? Have I wasted the past thirty years on this issue? I think maybe I have. Will I waste more time valuable time? God I hope not.
We are still limping along with our broken computer as the computer guy went hunting.
Take care of yourselves. Love Lynn