Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Not There Yet

Okay my chest swelled up and I am five pounds heavier. My skin looks better and I am not having hot flashes during the day. I still wake up at o'dark hundred every night. I am now only suicidal when it snows. (This is normal for here.) Is this success?

Now for something completely different. I hate, hate, hate to cook. Is a problem as I want to eat non-processed stuff. In response to Annimals' questions I reviewed my cooking history. Very interesting.

In doing my culinary retrospection I was shocked to discover my horrible experiences with cooking.

1. At four I did all the shopping and cooking for my mother and I. I would stand on a stool at the counter and she would direct me from the bedroom how to stir up pancakes and cook them in a frying pan. I also fried hunks of bologna. That's what we ate most of the time.

2. At six in the foster home I peeled potatoes for thirteen people every evening. Also carrots, turnips and beets. My first grade teacher thought I had some sort of disease after one of the beet nights. Here also began my dish washing odyssey.

3. At eleven I moved back in with my mother and took over cooking again. She was much better by now and helped me, but getting meals on the table was my responsibility.

4. At thirteen I began cooking supper once a week for the 25 old people in the nursing home. My adopted mother cooked the other nights. I made pancakes and eggs mostly. Sometimes I branched out with macaroni and cheese and vegetables. My first paid job was washing dishes in the nursing home. I started at twelve and finally graduated at fifteen when I became a nurses aid.

5. My adopted mother could cook like a dream, and she hated it. She was perpetually exhausted and cooking made her back hurt. But she cooked anyway. We did not eat our meals at the house, we ate at the nursing home.

6. During nursing school and after I mostly ate out or ate t.v. dinners or sandwiches. That is twenty-some years of junk food.

7. When I married at 32 I began cooking three meals a day. We have not been "in the funds" for a good portion of our married life so we have mostly eaten at home. Mark cannot taste much of anything so elaborate meals do not matter to him.

8. The only time I now go "all out" in the kitchen is when we are going to have company. As we usually have big gatherings I am tired and stressed out before, during and after these dreadful cooking marathons.

Is it any wonder I can't stand to cook. I am glad to have learned why I detest cooking but...I don't have any idea how to fix the problem. This cooking hangup is one of the main reasons I am fat, so I would really like to learn to appreciate cooking. Any ideas?

Bon Appetite, Bea


Annimal said...

So, of course you hate cooking. It's never been for or about your needs, it's always been drudgery or worse.
Was it enlightening to review your history with cooking? What are your thoughts about it now?
I am thinking it's something you'd like to develop in yourself, otherwise you'd be fine with takeout and frozen meals. It is too bad that Mark doesn't have much of a taste because cooking for an appreciative loved one does create incentive.
I love to Bake--love it. It's my zen. I can spend hours in the kitchen (and frequently do). I adjust/improve recipes--I usually just need a list of ingredients from a product and I can replicate it at home. Like Baker's breakfast cookies or ginger-soy sauce bottled dressing from a favorite restaurant. Cooking on the other hand I don't love as much, but see it as a necessary chore to provide good nutrition for me and my family. I am learning to be a good cook--I have found cooking shows and magazines that explain the science of cooking and that helps me improve my dishes. (America's Test Kitchen-PBS-Love ya!)
I guess it's become my hobby, but also I consider it to be essential, as I no longer trust anything packaged/processed/frozen/imported. Too many health risks that I'm NOT willing to take for my family. It's not just me, I'm modeling the eating habits for my 3 children.
Can you learn to love cooking? I don't know the answer to that. Someone else who has overcome dislike of cooking would have to help you out. Is it simply a matter of attitude or is it an innate quality. Some people love card games, some sports, some sewing. Can we learn to love something we detested as a child? I think probably with the right motivation and insight.
My motto is always--don't let the bastards win. Don't let them take from you the life, as an adult, you are entitled to.
Best of life to you, my Dear.

Helen said...

I enjoy cooking a long as it doesn't take too much time and tastes like it did. ;-) My answer for all cooking-related questions is to get Moosewood Low Fat Favorites and start trying everything in there. Most things take very little time and are delicious.

As to hormones -- I really think you need to take something other than estradiol. The balance of that with the progesterone and whatever else you need is what makes you, well, balanced! I haven't gained any weight due to hormones (wish I could blame it on that!). :-)

Anonymous said...

Could we get an update on Mollie? I have not read in awhile and I remember at one point you considered rehoming her?

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