Thursday, January 7, 2010

It is the Chicken

Boy I don't even know where to start. At the beginning is always best.

"Am I depressed because I am fat, or fat because I am depressed?" I am depressed because I am addicted to food.

Through another of those oddball coincidences (I call them grace) I came into the possession of a book called "Addiction and Grace" by Gerald May. The book forced me to look my addiction in the face. Why do I keep forgetting I am addicted to food? Part of the addiction process he says. Why do I keep thinking I can handle this on my own? Part of the addiction process he says. I am back to square one with my attachment to finding fullness. First part of square one is finding some help. I truly can't help myself with this problem. (Yes I could adopt another food plan but it is destined to fail. He calls this "attempting to reform your addiction" as opposed to being willing to seek a "transformed life.") I called the counseling center and have an appointment to talk to someone about compulsive eating on Tuesday at 9am. I also called our pastor.

My food addiction is more than a just psychological/physical problem. In the main it is a spiritual problem. I need some spiritual support. And not just me and God. I don't hear Him well enough to to be able to avail myself of the help he is always singing to me. I told the pastor I wanted to start an Overeaters Anonymous group at our church. I told him of my addiction and lack of support. He commissioned me to figure out how to start a group. Said he was all for it and would put it in the budget. Asked me if I thought we could get it up and running by February! Gad. Or should I say, God.

I searched online for OA and Food Addicts info. There is so much it will take me a while to sort through it all. Why have I tried to go it alone for so long? Is a mystery.

I am not depressed any more. I am scared spitless. I feel secure in the confines of my addiction. Letting go of my attachment to food is risky as death for me. Here is where the Grace comes in. God give me the courage and strength to take the risks to step into a "transformed" life. Amen

Take care. Love Bea

10 comments:

OK is Osmel and Karen said...

You are absolutely correct!! Nothing is coincidence. I haven't heard of that book, but I do know that it is God's grace that has given me the ability to lose the weight I have lost, and I pray everyday for the strength to look past the food and find the answers in Jesus. When I read your blog, I felt a kindred spirt... I too long to write in such a way that will bring God glory and encourage others the way He has encouraged me.

mumtotwo said...

go lynn....go!!!!!!!!!!
love robin

altopower said...

You are totally awesome even while you're scared. Things falling into place happen for a reason - such as a quickly available appointment & a pastor who not only understands but charges you with doing something to make it happen.

May you find strength, courage, direction and peace as you tackle this very hard stuff.

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.

Helen said...

Yay yay yay for you -- this sounds totally exciting!!! I am cheering you on. And, while I use different words for my spiritual practice and have different beliefs than you do, I agree completely that having spirit in the process is invaluable...as with most (ok, all) things! Can't wait to hear more! :-)

Cindy...154 said...

what a great idea!! I think you will be doing a great service to yourself and the community! I have read much OA literature. I go online to Hazelden and read the daily meditation in the food for thought book sometimes. Lots of good stuff!! So very glad you are posting! Love you!!

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