Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Faith Less

Okay I can take a joke as well as the next guy, but eight inches is just silly. It was five below last Tuesday and today it's snowing. I'm so over winter.

Life goes along apace. One job interview down, a couple more to go.

If we have to move again it will really tell what I am made of faith wise. I demonstrated minimal faith during the last two moves. The move up here to our mountain paradise rental house happened so fast I didn't have time to panic and over control. Plus we sold our house at home and made money so I wasn't worried sick about finances. When we bought this house and moved I was exhausted and pissed off but not too fearful. This time will different.

Our house is worth $50,000 less than when we bought it three years ago. Fifty thousand dollars. I am having trouble even getting my mind around this fact. The market is flooded with for sale homes much nicer than ours. We have done a lot to this house but it is still ninety years old and small. I fear ain't no one out there a gonna want a vacation home with oodles of charm but no dishwasher. We are trying to figure out what to do about the house if Mark gets one of the jobs. None of the options are appealing. This is where the faith comes in.

If we move we will have to do a U-Haul move as we can't afford a mover. We used up all our savings fixing up the house. Traveling to and from interviews and house hunting is expensive. If we found a place then there are all the down payments and first and last months rent. I have been figuring out how to cash in our IRA and life insurance. I don't know where we will get the money to move otherwise. This is where the faith come in.

Mark has much experience at his job and in the past this has been a huge asset. Not any more. Experienced attorneys are first in line for all the jobs going. The weirdness at his current job seems to be resolving, but now the county is slashing the budget. His position may well go half time in June. If he doesn't find a job by then we will be in a world of hurt. This is where the faith come in.

I have been reading the want adds. I could apply to be a car hop, or work at Sub-way. Part time of course. I was gong to call about the car hop job and was told the summer fast food jobs are reserved for local teenagers and kids home from college for the summer. This is where the faith comes in.

I hate not being in control of my life. Scares the crap out of me. But there is not one darn thing I can do to change my circumstances. I can't fix the housing market. I can't fix the unpleasantness at Mark's job. I can't fix the county finances. I can't make someone hire Mark. I can't make someone hire me full time at more than minimum wage (which isn't enough to pay the bills). I can't get our savings back out of this house. I can't make it quit flipping snowing. I HAVE to rely on God.

So I am. Love Bea


Cindy...154 said...

I agree with you. I HAVE to rely on God, too. My house that I left behind but still own is worth much less now, and rentals are going cheaper than my mortgage. There are three for rent signs on the same street right now. I have to rely on faith to get me through the this. The renter left it a mess and I have no skills at painting and carpeting. We have been through lots of things these past almost four years of blogging. We never know really how they will turn out. So for today I am hanging with faith that there are possibilities out there we haven't even thought of yet. Beyond our wildest dreams...

Annimal said...

Trust. Trust. Trust.
That's all I know, that's all I can say.
Love you

Cindy said...

Sometimes there is no other thing to do BUT rely. 7 months ago our income was cut in 1/2. We have hit rock bottom. no, we hit UNDER rock bottom. the b/f just landed a new job starting next week and we'll be making what we made before but it will take months to catch up.

After all the stress and feeling like I have no control, no say, I finally went to church a month ago after not going for 20 years because everything I was trying was NOT working (to unburden my emotional distress).

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