Friday, April 2, 2010

Poleaxed

This post is of no great consequence but I just had to say something to somebody.

I have a friend who had gastric bypass surgery almost two years ago. I have talked to her off and on during that time. Of course I always ask how much weight she is losing. She will not tell me. Says it is none of my business. True enough. Well yesterday she told me.

She has lost 207 pounds. She weighs 122 pounds. She is 53 years old.

Just think about that for a minute. Two hundred and seven pounds. She has lost more than I weigh and I am fat. In less than two years she has done this. How is this possible? I was and still am stunned. How can you be 53 and weigh 122 pounds? She weighs less than her daughter.

I asked how she felt about losing all of that weight. "Fine" she said. I said she must feel like a new woman, and younger. "No" she said. What is it like to go through the world in such a radically smaller body I asked? "My knees don't hurt." Surely you must be having some sort of emotional reaction to it all I said. "Not really" she said. Well I ask you, is this possible?

Yes I am jealous. We might as well get that said right up front. I am also so happy for her I can hardly convey it. I love her and she was trapped by her weight and it was killing her. She has now been given and accepted a new lease on life. So why isn't she acting like a condemned woman who has been pardoned? I sure would be. I would be shaking my skinny booty all over town. I have some theories about this.

Remember Star Jones and how weird she acted after she lost all her weight? Like she was standing naked and vulnerable before the world and the only way she could protect herself was by downplaying the weight loss. Maybe this is what is happening to my friend. Maybe it is all still too new and she hasn't yet figured out how to be thin. Or maybe she is still the same person who has never dealt with her emotions. Or maybe (and this is painful to admit) she knows how jealous I am and fears I can't be supportive. What ever it is, it was like running into a brick wall, and it hurt.

I guess the post had more consequence that I first thought.

Happy Easter to all of you. Up from the grave He arose!

Love Bea

11 comments:

altopower said...

I totally understand what she's going through. After living that large for so long, the radical, quick changes that come with bypass surgery are very difficult for the mind to wrap around.

I've lost 95 lbs this last year, about 1/2 of that after lapband surgery, but it's too much too fast for my brain to really understand. I see myself in the mirror and don't see what other see when they look at me, even though I know the numbers.

Being without such a thick layer of fat makes us very vulnerable. People treat us differently while we feel the same inside, and there's a real fear that someone will wave a wand and the pounds will go back where they came off.

Hugs to you, Bea. And Happy Easter.

Cindy...154 said...

Happy Easter to you too. a day late!

Shanel said...

Maybe your friend didn't want you to feel bad or jealous so she kept it from you for fear of hurting your feelings and then when she finally spoke up about it she didn't want to share her real reaction for the same reasons.... she maybe knew that it would make you a little jealous... just a thought...

Annimal said...

Maybe she's lost too much weight and can't stop it. It could be that she is scared and can't admit it? I wouldn't think it would be about you, whatever the issues are. Since she is a friend, I'd lay off the weight comments and just listen to what she is saying.
It IS hard to hear unfound criticism of your spouse and kudos to you for standing up for him. He may find unemployment, but he'll always have his warrior.

Anonymous said...

Dear Bea,

I loved Annimal's comment. This probably has nothing to do with you, hmm. Body dysmorphia comes in all shapes and sizes. She has lost more than you weigh. Think about that, more than you weigh right now. You don't have 207 pounds to lose. Yes, there is additional weight you could lose. Are you diabetic, hypertensive, have arthritis, circulatory changes (other than aging) in your legs, have you required c-pap or bi-pap because you can't breath? I believe the answer is no. Look in the mirror and love ourselves should be our motto.

Love ya! Ethel (of sorts)

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