And I'll cry if I want to. I am 52 today, but that is not why I am crying. I am damn glad to be 52. My mother died at 48. I am crying because Mark and I had another fight on my birthday. We had a fight because I finally was able to go to sleep at 4:10 a.m.. I had to get up at 6 a.m. I haven't slept more than 4-5 hours a night for weeks, months, years, or maybe millennia. On two hours of sleep I am willing to pick a fight with anyone. I first tried to argue with the cat but she ignored me. So I picked at Mark until he fought back. Sigh.
During last night's sojourn I watched the latest episode of Oprah. She had Suzanne Sommers on. The whole show was about bioidentical hormones. Imagine how healing this was for me sitting there at 3 a.m. in my sweat soaked night gown eating left over meatloaf. It was a gift from God. I was darn near convinced by the show's end that I needed bioidenticals but was still sort of scared off by the guest (traditional) Dr.'s opinion. Then came breakfast and the empty cheerio box fight. (You don't want to know) I need those hormones.
And...I have an appointment next Friday at 11:30 to find out about getting some. I will be armed with a boat load of questions and requirements. If this doctor can't or won't help me I will travel farther afield. I AM GOING TO GET SOME HELP. I don't care if the hormones kill me. At least I will have had six months of normal life. I think what really sold me was when this miserable woman they had on the show a couple of weeks ago showed up last night looking twenty years younger. When asked how she felt on the bioidenticals she said "like she had had an infusion of joy." Sign me up. In the past two years my sense of humor has dried up as much as my vag ... well, you know. The thing that has brought me through all my tribulations has been the ability to see the funny side of life. Currently I am as morose as a Mortician. Phooey on that.
I am up for hormonal testimonials if you would care to share them.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea