Friday, January 30, 2009

It's My Birthday

And I'll cry if I want to. I am 52 today, but that is not why I am crying. I am damn glad to be 52. My mother died at 48. I am crying because Mark and I had another fight on my birthday. We had a fight because I finally was able to go to sleep at 4:10 a.m.. I had to get up at 6 a.m. I haven't slept more than 4-5 hours a night for weeks, months, years, or maybe millennia. On two hours of sleep I am willing to pick a fight with anyone. I first tried to argue with the cat but she ignored me. So I picked at Mark until he fought back. Sigh.

During last night's sojourn I watched the latest episode of Oprah. She had Suzanne Sommers on. The whole show was about bioidentical hormones. Imagine how healing this was for me sitting there at 3 a.m. in my sweat soaked night gown eating left over meatloaf. It was a gift from God. I was darn near convinced by the show's end that I needed bioidenticals but was still sort of scared off by the guest (traditional) Dr.'s opinion. Then came breakfast and the empty cheerio box fight. (You don't want to know) I need those hormones.

And...I have an appointment next Friday at 11:30 to find out about getting some. I will be armed with a boat load of questions and requirements. If this doctor can't or won't help me I will travel farther afield. I AM GOING TO GET SOME HELP. I don't care if the hormones kill me. At least I will have had six months of normal life. I think what really sold me was when this miserable woman they had on the show a couple of weeks ago showed up last night looking twenty years younger. When asked how she felt on the bioidenticals she said "like she had had an infusion of joy." Sign me up. In the past two years my sense of humor has dried up as much as my vag ... well, you know. The thing that has brought me through all my tribulations has been the ability to see the funny side of life. Currently I am as morose as a Mortician. Phooey on that.

I am up for hormonal testimonials if you would care to share them.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea


Wendy said...

Hi Bea,

Happy Birthday! My son's was yesterday. He's a bit younger at 16. I'm 52 already.

I've been on bio-identicals (progesterone and testosterone) for about three years. I definitely think the progesterone has helped with break-through bleeding between my periods (yes, I still get my period), but the testosterone has just made me way hairier than I've ever been, which I hate. It has done nothing for my libido either. Sigh.

According to the blood tests, my testosterone is still low, but my acupuncturist had me do a saliva test (VERY expensive) which showed that my testosterone is way off the charts high. I have to admit, I'm not crazy about the doc who's prescribed the bio-identicals and I've cut down the testosterone myself. Not quite sure what to do at this point.

I saw part of Oprah's show yesterday and was thinking of buying the magazine this month.

I wouldn't discount the bio-identicals, though. They might help you a lot.

Hang in there.


Helen said...


First of all...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :-)

I've been on bioidenticals for 2 or 3 years and, when they are working, they are GREAT. My doc even gave me Suzanne's book before I went on the hormones so I could get a good layman's view of them.

It's REALLY important to get regular blood work and work out to make sure your levels are good. This can be expensive which sucks. But when I've got myself on good levels life is MUCH better.

More later...
I'm on vacation...

Love from your fellow Aquarius, H

Vickie said...

I was just popping on to say - go ask Helen - but she beat me here.

Vickie said...


Vickie said...

You might want to go read this one.

Vickie said...

I just happened to read this posting after reading yours and thought she did a good job of hitting some high points.

PLEASE really listen
to what I am saying
before you go read the link below - I am not talking about throwing out whatever system you use - I am not talking about going whole hog in a different direction.

I am talking about chemical reactions to food. I am talking about allowing our bodies to feel good.

I don't worry about eating food from each category. Or keeping lists to make sure I have eaten certain vitimins in food on certain
days. I personally LOVE the different colors make for different vitimins thought process. (I do eat salmon about twice a week).

I do not track if I have eaten foods from category A, B, C, D on any given day.

I just keep mixing up the veggies/food!

I totally believe that the reason that most of my physical problems went away - is because I eat a wide variety of whole foods.

So, I am giving you this link talking about chemical things going on in our bodies based on what we feed it.

I am not talking about calories - I am not talking about the scale - I am talking about eating healthy.

I am not saying that you should dump the scale or dump the counting (or whatever you choose to do). I am saying that there is another issue - there is the desire to stop feeling bad.

(she is somewhat sensitive - if you comment - be careful what you say - or just be a lurker. . .)

Anonymous said...

I thought of that Oprah show when I first started reading your post... before you even mentioned it.

Cindy in CO

Keep us updated.

Nory Roth said...

Happy Happy Birthday!!! I've been AWOL for some time, and it was so good to see that you are writing again. I have lots to say myself, but so little time. The weight thing is always there....been doing some work on that front since the first of the year too! Hope you get some help with the hormone situation. Will be interested to hear how it goes -- currently in some sort of peri-menopause limbo myself.