Tin Foil and Vinegar

Out of the night that covers me
Black as pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever God's may be
for my unconquerable soul.

I have turned a corner. Was headed for the bottom again and God caught me. Thank Heaven for all the people who pray for and with me.

I have carpeted the carpet with tin foil. The cats hate to walk on it. All the pee spots are now gleaming with a shiny silver light. I bought a gallon of vinegar with which to annoint the rug and the house now smells of Cesar salad rather than urine. I caught Socks in the act, rubbed her paws in the urine and put her in her cat carrier for two hours. So far, so good. Right amount of pee in the boxes this morning and no new wet spots for two days.

Have come to terms with dog. I have a small house and a large dog and two cats. I am going to have to learn to live with the pet mess. I can do it. The cats are learning to adjust also. Yesterday when Mollie was asleep they took turns jumping over her. I think this was meant to terrorize her, but it didn't work. She slept through it all. After the failed jumping torture they gave up and also took naps, within two feet of the dog.

When it came push to shove, Mark did not want to give the dog back. Said he had to take her "snow swimming." We have feet of snow. The dog plunges into it and sort of swims around. She loves it. Eats it by the gallon. Dog ice cream. Mark is very interested in training her. Has taught her to obey most commands. I am having more trouble. Turns out I am not an alpha male. Who would have guessed? She won't obey until I get mad. I hate getting mad all the time. She pushes until I have about had it, then when I am ready to throttle her, she obeys. Go figure.

Markovian theory: The cats are collaborating on a canine cookbook,"Fillet de Fido." Pounded Pekingese, Roasted Rottweiler, and Shiatsu Sushi are a some of the highlighted recipes. They expect to make millions and by our dog a good home.

Back on food plan, Thank Heaven. Not buying anymore salsa. Whoever heard of salsa being a trigger food? Also Swiss steak and jambalaya. It is the combo of tomatoes and onions. Guess what folks, very high carb those veggies together. No wonder I love it.

Okay life begins again. One day at a time. Shovel frozen dog poop, dress the carpet with vinegar, and do the laundry. By the by, we got the storm windows up in the computer room. I can now see out the window and the snowy mountain valley before me is breathtaking. I am grateful to be alive.

Take care. Love Bea

"Just a bit of gruel,

and a dog bone and a rawhide chew thing and lots of dog food and lots of people food, please?" I refuse to believe this dog is starving to death, but she believes it. We have much in common.

Help. I can't stop eating. Why? I am trying to work the food plan, and I do okay for a few hours, and then blammo, binge time. Ate a jar of salsa and a loaf of nut bread yesterday... together. I hate myself. My boobs and butt are growing as I type. Why can't I stop? I am scared.

I am depressed. Not just low after the holidays, but damn depressed. I am back to the pointless person phase. I know this is crap. I cannot seem to drag myself out of the pit. I ask for God's help and then either don't recognize the help or outright refuse it. Farts.

The cats are still peeing all over the house. It stinks in here. My renovated clean house is now filthy with cat piss. Socks attacked Mollie again this morning. Thank God the cats are declawed. Sent Mollie into fits and she knocked over a cup of tea. Stained the carpet. I don't think I can live like this. I think the dog will have to go.

Mark did not want her from the beginning. He plays with her a little but won't let her upstairs anymore since she broke some of his Japanese tea pot collection. We are not super neat people, but it is like trying to live with a horse in the house. A nervous horse. I thought this could work. I did not bargain on getting so depressed at the filth and disorder I could barely function. I am not willing to live in a torn up pigstye. Reminds me too much of living with my mother.

Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. And I think it might. And we now have to replace the new carpet in the bedroom and living room. And we are broke. Because we just put down new carpet in the bedroom and living room.

Mollie is not going to get smaller. She is never going to want to hang around with me in the house like the cats do. After an a couple of hours in the house she explodes out the door and runs around hell bent for election for fifteen or twenty minutes. Then she is ready to go for a walk or play fetch. Whomper Dinky now lives under our bed. She only comes out at night when the dog is crated. Comes out to eat and drink, and pee on the carpet. I miss her. Socks is fighting a rear gard action. But at least she is visible.

I am so conflicted I could...eat. I give the dog back and feel like a traitor to myself, or I keep the dog and resent the heck out of her every day. If I give her back I will worry about her all the time. I will also feel like the shittiest person on earth. I have boxed myself in. Help.

Take care. Love Bea

Merry Christmas from Mark, Bea the cats and the dog.

I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and a festive New Year. Don't work too hard, eat too much or stress out.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. Love Bea

Frozen Dog Poop and Time

If anyone had told me I would daily shovel frozen dog poop into a plastic garbage can I would have called them fools. But, I am doing it. I use a rose spade.

We are now wireless. My email will have to change for the blog. So, as I do not yet know how to change it, I may be gone again for awhile. If you sent me an email message, I can't get to them. MSN/Qwest is holding them hostage. I have to sign up for dial up to retrieve the messages. I am not going to do it to read 49 messages and then quit the service. I tell you what, getting services in the wilds of Wyoming is a trip.

I am back on my food plan. Am rereading Kay Sheppard's books. I have rebelled against NEVER being able to eat "normally" again. But, I will NEVER be able to eat sugar without a trigger reaction. If I eat sugar, I eat sugar.

Cleaned house! I feel worlds better. Used shop vac and cat urine killer on the carpets. Put tin foil over the pee places. The cats hate it. Whoopee. Dog-dog untied her rope today and went on walkabout. She came back thank God. I watched her unscrew caps off water bottles and drink the water, why am I surprised she can untie knots? This dog is gonna kill me.

Okay, I have to go back to house cleaning. I found the "clock of doom." Mark says it goes, "snick, snick, snick' and "slices off seconds of his life." He has a thing about clocks, and wristwatches. I am putting it up anyway.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea