Saturday, December 29, 2007

"Just a bit of gruel,

and a dog bone and a rawhide chew thing and lots of dog food and lots of people food, please?" I refuse to believe this dog is starving to death, but she believes it. We have much in common.

Help. I can't stop eating. Why? I am trying to work the food plan, and I do okay for a few hours, and then blammo, binge time. Ate a jar of salsa and a loaf of nut bread yesterday... together. I hate myself. My boobs and butt are growing as I type. Why can't I stop? I am scared.

I am depressed. Not just low after the holidays, but damn depressed. I am back to the pointless person phase. I know this is crap. I cannot seem to drag myself out of the pit. I ask for God's help and then either don't recognize the help or outright refuse it. Farts.

The cats are still peeing all over the house. It stinks in here. My renovated clean house is now filthy with cat piss. Socks attacked Mollie again this morning. Thank God the cats are declawed. Sent Mollie into fits and she knocked over a cup of tea. Stained the carpet. I don't think I can live like this. I think the dog will have to go.

Mark did not want her from the beginning. He plays with her a little but won't let her upstairs anymore since she broke some of his Japanese tea pot collection. We are not super neat people, but it is like trying to live with a horse in the house. A nervous horse. I thought this could work. I did not bargain on getting so depressed at the filth and disorder I could barely function. I am not willing to live in a torn up pigstye. Reminds me too much of living with my mother.

Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. And I think it might. And we now have to replace the new carpet in the bedroom and living room. And we are broke. Because we just put down new carpet in the bedroom and living room.

Mollie is not going to get smaller. She is never going to want to hang around with me in the house like the cats do. After an a couple of hours in the house she explodes out the door and runs around hell bent for election for fifteen or twenty minutes. Then she is ready to go for a walk or play fetch. Whomper Dinky now lives under our bed. She only comes out at night when the dog is crated. Comes out to eat and drink, and pee on the carpet. I miss her. Socks is fighting a rear gard action. But at least she is visible.

I am so conflicted I could...eat. I give the dog back and feel like a traitor to myself, or I keep the dog and resent the heck out of her every day. If I give her back I will worry about her all the time. I will also feel like the shittiest person on earth. I have boxed myself in. Help.

Take care. Love Bea

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Bea, Sorry you are so depressed. I should think your carpets could be professionally cleaned - I know we got stuff from the vet to remove dog stains. Molly will always tell you she is starving - she was starving as a young dog. Our Megan is the same way - she is the one who was tied on a 2 ft. rope with no food or water. To this day - 10+ years later she still freaks out if there isn't food and water out for her. Sorry about Mark's china - you have to act as if you had a young child and put all the breakable stuff away until she grows up. It's called "child proofing". If you find you can't stand to keep her - let me know. Lewie says no more than the 2 we have but I'm sure I could get around that if it was Mollie. Love, Marti

Nory Roth said...

Hello Bea! You have had the BEST of intentions with this dog. But the territorial behavior of your cats really is an indication of what you life may be like long term. Many times when cats start those behaviors, they don't stop! We had to return a cat to foster care because he was marking all over our house just because he SMELLED our old (dead) cat. The visible presence of dear Mollie is a constant "threat" to your felines who have no experience with anything like that dog. Even if Mollie disappears at this point, I don't hold out a lot of hope for getting the cats to stop marking. Her smell will still be with you. How awful for you! I would be an eating machine, too.

Anonymous said...

I really doubt you have to replace the carpets, I have even used the steam cleaners from the grocery store with lots of sucess. Vinegar works wonders on cat pee. If you rehome Mollie to a good home don't feel bad, she maybe a perfect fit to some other family with kids. Just be patient finding her a home she really deserves a loving home. Don't feel bad, the people who drop animals in shelters, knowing their chances should feel bad, not you.

Vickie said...

Did you say this is a lab? They will eat until they pop - they have NO full button.

Many labs act like this - regardless of their food history. I would say all/most labs act like this - but then someone else will write in and say theirs does not or it does, but it is because of dogs background. Mostly it is the breed.

Labs cannot eat ANY people food and their own dog food must be measured and fed to them - check with vet to see what kind and how much.

Lab will gobble it as if have never had food before and then look at you and bowl wanting more, more, more.

Not all dogs are like this - but labs are.


Do not waste your money on new carpet - cats will not stop - in my experience - once they start.

My guess will be that they will not stop even if you get rid of dog.

There is spray for the smell - vets carry it. Cleaning with a water based cleaner might make the smell much worse. I recommend spray from vet.

How many weeks has it been? I wonder if you should call Marti and tell her congrats - she has a new dog.

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