We took last weekend off. We went to Shakespeare in the Park one night and to a dinner/dance the next. The dog loved Macbeth. She barked each time the witches came on stage. Bea did not love the dinner/dance.
For starters I had to go alone. Mark is gearing up for a huge trial and had to unexpectedly be out of town to interview some witnesses. Friends offered to save me a spot at the dinner, so I thought no worries, right? Wrong. I have lost a couple of pounds and I have a tan. My brownish hair is streaked and more blond than usual. And I look good in pastel blue. I wore a boat neck light weight blue cropped top and capris. I even painted my toenails and wore wedgie sandals. I wore dangley earrings and couple of gold bracelets. I looked classy and attractive. Even I could see it.
I knew I was in trouble when I walked in and a friend's husband said "Wow" and got up to give me his chair. Then another friend's husband winked at me and said, "You were sure worth waiting for." Good grief. Both wives looked at me like I was some wanton hussy, and the atmosphere turned abruptly frosty. Things went down hill from there. Drinks began mysteriously appearing in front of me. One husband spent the majority of the evening staring at my boobs, while the other one sat next to me and rubbed my elbow. I kept trying to engage the wives in conversation. I made deprecating remarks about myself. I refused the alcohol and drank coke. I did not dance with anyone. Nothing helped. I felt like and exposed flower with pollinators on every side. I'm not sure when I have felt this uncomfortable. I left early.
What the heck happened?
I was there alone. I had forgotten the protection from mashers a husband offers. I was relaxed and happy with myself. Confidence attracts men, and women for that matter. I need to remember this when I feel fat and ugly. I took time with my grooming. For a change I was more than just missionary clean. Amazing what a little perfume and fingernail polish can do. And finally, I had lost a few pounds as a result of eating better. I felt healthy. It makes all the difference.
Now, I have to figure out why I felt sooooo "bad" as a result of all this unwanted attention. I used enjoy attracting men. Not anymore. I felt unclean. And guilty. And I didn't do anything. I was friendly and acted like I always act around these men. I was covered from clavicle to knee in a modest outfit. I left early. And still I felt and feel guilty. And exposed.
If any of you have thoughts about my experience I'd sure be glad to hear them.
Take care, Love Bea.