Thursday, August 7, 2008

Fair of Face

We took last weekend off. We went to Shakespeare in the Park one night and to a dinner/dance the next. The dog loved Macbeth. She barked each time the witches came on stage. Bea did not love the dinner/dance.

For starters I had to go alone. Mark is gearing up for a huge trial and had to unexpectedly be out of town to interview some witnesses. Friends offered to save me a spot at the dinner, so I thought no worries, right? Wrong. I have lost a couple of pounds and I have a tan. My brownish hair is streaked and more blond than usual. And I look good in pastel blue. I wore a boat neck light weight blue cropped top and capris. I even painted my toenails and wore wedgie sandals. I wore dangley earrings and couple of gold bracelets. I looked classy and attractive. Even I could see it.

I knew I was in trouble when I walked in and a friend's husband said "Wow" and got up to give me his chair. Then another friend's husband winked at me and said, "You were sure worth waiting for." Good grief. Both wives looked at me like I was some wanton hussy, and the atmosphere turned abruptly frosty. Things went down hill from there. Drinks began mysteriously appearing in front of me. One husband spent the majority of the evening staring at my boobs, while the other one sat next to me and rubbed my elbow. I kept trying to engage the wives in conversation. I made deprecating remarks about myself. I refused the alcohol and drank coke. I did not dance with anyone. Nothing helped. I felt like and exposed flower with pollinators on every side. I'm not sure when I have felt this uncomfortable. I left early.

What the heck happened?

I was there alone. I had forgotten the protection from mashers a husband offers. I was relaxed and happy with myself. Confidence attracts men, and women for that matter. I need to remember this when I feel fat and ugly. I took time with my grooming. For a change I was more than just missionary clean. Amazing what a little perfume and fingernail polish can do. And finally, I had lost a few pounds as a result of eating better. I felt healthy. It makes all the difference.

Now, I have to figure out why I felt sooooo "bad" as a result of all this unwanted attention. I used enjoy attracting men. Not anymore. I felt unclean. And guilty. And I didn't do anything. I was friendly and acted like I always act around these men. I was covered from clavicle to knee in a modest outfit. I left early. And still I felt and feel guilty. And exposed.

If any of you have thoughts about my experience I'd sure be glad to hear them.

Take care, Love Bea.


Vickie said...

I would guess it was the MEN. And it doesn't sound at all as if you played along. so what more you could have done - I don't know.

If some man had rubbed my elbow - or touched me repeatedly for that matter - I definitely would have recoiled - I might have yelled/screamed. In no uncertain terms - he would know that he was too close - too much - and inappropriate. But subtle is not my middle name - I am not someone that worries about making a scene - and as I am not social - this stuff actually never comes up with me.

Another blogger wrote about this (with her large breasts) a while back - her chest is the first place she gains and the last place she loses - and she has had very unwanted advances from men (in the past). Now (soccer mom) she does not usually. I asked if this difference was because of the men that she is now around - and she thought that it was.

It would have been interesting (for you) to have the whole thing on video so that you could observe everyone from a 3rd person perspective to see what happened.

And maybe couples things just aren't good (if you are on your own) with this group of people.

I don't socialize - so I am actually the last one to be commenting on this topic - but I added my 2 cents anyway.

Nory Roth said...

Oh wow! How rude those men were. Not only to you, but to their poor WIVES!!! I have never been able to understand boorish behavior on the part of men. But, I do not think you did anything overt to encourage that type of attention. Sorry your evening crashed and burned.

I have never been the center of attention in my whole life (based upon my looks, that is). But I have garnered more than my fair share of attention with my very over-zealous personality. Some women find outgoing people off-putting.

For different reasons than yours, I too, have left functions early because I was the fifth wheel who was getting too much attention. Sometimes, it's just the novelty of your presence. Sometimes, it's too much alcohol. And sometimes, it's just not clear WHAT triggers unwanted attention.

I am very uncomfortable in social settings, and tend to be quite "jokey" and upbeat to compensate for my social anxiety. While this does not bring unwanted sexually charged attention, it does certainly make some people who might be shy or insecure uncomfortable.

Nory Roth said...

Oh! I occurs to me: What did you husband have to say???

Vickie said...

is your husband around them that he could say - What exactly was the deal with making an ass of yourself and making Lynn so uncomfortable???

Annimal said...

Let go the guilt and enjoy the moment of feeling attractive. There was nothing wrong with YOUR behavior. I have no sympathy for other wives who feel threatened. get a grip, if your husband is doing this in front of you, what's he doing behind your back?
I'm kind of a flirt and I like to have fun with fun guys, but I always talk about my husband when he's not there so that no one gets the wrong idea. I don't wear a wedding ring. I've never seen a case where it kept a person from wandering if they truly wanted too.
I keep my husband clearly in the picture in any gathering. I have a suspicion that you did too.

Cindy154 said...

It was the creepiness of the guys. And years of experience blaming yourself. I am an expert on this. And large breasts. That is something I do not miss about my weight loss. The boob freaks. Mine shrunk substantially. You can't help it. It is hard to wash off that feeling, but you can. Great that you went out feeling good, looking fine. You are used to being escorted so I imagine that factored in as well. A bunch of things strung together that you were not ready for. Don't let it slow you down. Doll yourself up again one evening for hubby when he comes home and get the attention from the right guy!

L.G. said...

What I really hate in reading this is how confident and happy you sounded with yourself BEFORE the dinner party.

It's one thing to say you were worth waiting for or to say wow but the touching...ew. I don't blame you for feeling upset.

One thing though that occurred to me. Do you think that another reason the wives all seemed pissy was because you have lost weight and looked attractive? I don't think they were mad at you; their husbands definitely but not you. If they're your friends, they know you are not up to any shenanigans.

I'm sorry you have a crummy dinner.