Thanks for all the comments. I am still confused about my reaction to what felt like way too much attention from men. I am sure my anxiety has to do with the sexual abuse and its long term implications in my life.
And now for the fat implications. When I first lost weight I was delighted with the renewed male interest. Not so a year later. Now it just pisses me off. And it may also be stopping further weight loss. I hate feeling exposed and vulnerable. Somewhere along the line I lost the delight with being thinner and found the fear of being thinner. I am comfortable being fat. I know who I am fat. Thinner I was lost. (I know this is not a new story for any of you.) I fear the power thin gives a woman. I am not used to feeling powerful and the feeling unnerves me.
So much for my great insight.
We got the garage painted. Yeah. Mark has been gone for the past three days and I have spent them all mowing the lawn. Phooey. Two hours a day with an electric mower is all I am good for. I still have two more sections to do. I am too uninterested in gardening for this much lawn.
Much thinking to do about my not really wanting to be thinner. Good thing I have so much lawn to mow, huh?
Take care. Love Bea