I have half an acre of brownish grass to mow, the house is dirty, the dog is bored, the washer is leaking, I forgot choir practise AND...my husband is calling me every evening with tales of fun adventures. Last eve he toured an old sailing ship on Fisherman's Wharf and took a boat tour around Alcatraz Island. The evening before that he rode up and down Nob Hill on a cable car. Tonight he is going to Chinatown. I hate him.
He is gone all this week to San Francisco to a death penalty seminar. He is having a blast. I hate him. I wanted to go but finances are tight and I HAVE GAINED WEIGHT. Both things stopped me from going. I hate him.
Our extra finances this summer have gone to home repairs and visits to Mentor Mary and Friends in hospital. I am happy we did all of these things and, I still resent being broke and stuck in Podunk WY while my husband is wining and dining in the City by the Bay.
Okay now down to cases. I could have put my ticket and meals and dog sitter on a credit card. Would not have been real smart but was sure doable. Truth? I didn't go because I felt and feel fat. Real fat. When they weighed me at Curves I weighed 196. That is 16 pounds I have re-gained. My clothes don't fit. I could not face going to the land of skinny people looking and feeling like a failed whale. Phooey.
Today I want to lie down and just give up. I want to let a tide of fat wash over and drown me. Why fight the inevitable? For multitudinous reasons I was meant to be fat and that is all there is to it. I am jousting at windmills in the attempt to be thin. I give in, give up, give over. I am a fat nobody going nowhere.
Goodbye cruel world.
(Why am I laughing like a demented woman?)