Thursday, August 21, 2008

Help Found

Mentor Mary of course. I read yesterday's blog to her. There was a long silence. Then she said, " Honey I think you are being lied to." To make a long spiritual/theological conversation short I'll just give you the gist of it. She thinks I am being lied to by Satan, Devil, spirit of evil that inhabits this world. I concur.

I bought hook, line and sinker into the evil idea that I have no choices. This is a blatant lie. I have choices in almost every area of my life. I can even choose how I feel. I also bought into the idea that abuse damaged me for life. Not so. I can and have moved on. I do not have to be pushed around by memories of my past. I can defuse them by speaking them out loud and then I can let them go.

My faith is pretty strong in spite of periodic bouts of unbelief and anger. Guess that makes me about normal. When I take off the blinders of victim hood I can see God's loving hand in my life. I am filled with gratitude.

And now for something completely different. I had a job interview at Curves today. They offered me a job as a coach, but the hours were lousy so I didn't take it. This all happened so fast I didn't have time to get my resume together. Instead I took an old photo to show them. Did the trick. I may have gained 13lbs. but I am still thinner than I was at 250+. Made me feel good that they wanted me. I am planning on rejoining come September and a paycheck.

That's all for now. Bea.


Vickie said...

Is it possible that they will have better hours later? I think this would be a GREAT place for you to work. No pressure - social - getting out - $$$ - etc.

Vickie said...

You are probably on to something - with the older picture - but it only works IF you get to see them (and they get to see you) in person.

Cindy154 said...

Wow that is amazing to get offered a job as a coach. maybe I could do a part time coach job...hmmm.... and like Vickie says, maybe there will be a position with better hours later on down the road.

Cindy154 said...

Coaching is kind of my dream job.

Helen said...

Mentor Mary is so damn smart. I wish I had one! :-)

Annimal said...

Bravo. It takes guts to put your down days on this post instead of just the "up" days. Helps me to understand that I am normal. We all have days of doubt and frustration, but will get through it.
Love the idea of "coach". I am hoping to get to the point where someone would want me to coach them.
Do you realize how far you've come?

Vickie said...

I did ask my therapist about the victim thing - and she confirmed/said that she does not think I see myself as a victim (either).

She added that victim thinking and eating disordering thinking go hand in hand.

That whether one overeats or undereats - there is often/usually victim thinking involved.

She added that often the person THINKS that they have control over their own lives when over/under eating (nothing is going well - at least I can have the comfort/numbness of really good tasting food OR nothing is going well - at least I can be thin) but when in the middle of eating disordered behavior things are actually the most out of control. I hope that I conveyed that correctly (to what she said) as I didn't take notes.

L.G. said...

Wow, that's wonderful about the Curves. It's certainly had to make you feel good about your accomplishments! I think you would be a good coach but you're smart to think about the hours. There's no point in taking a job if you're quite sure you'll be miserable with the hours. You don't need to have any resentment there.

Annimal is right, it does take guts to put up things on your down days. And you have come a long long way. (And I think it's because of the choices you have made along the way. You may not always have seen cognitive of actively choosing things but you instinctively went towards them. I hope I'm making sense.)