This post is going to cover a lot of territory.
First, we spent all holiday working on the house. Now I know why they call it Labor Day. Many things to be done before we can move in. Mark cannot take time off so it is up to me to get stuff done. My brain and body are about fried. I don't think we will get repairs done and be able to move in by the end of the month. I hope we can stay here until the middle of October. Fiasco with the water heater. Mark left me bailing in a flooding basement while he drove into town to get the broken part. I thought I was a gonner when the water heater CAME ON. I thought Mark had shut off the electricity. The shut off valve did not work for the water main which is why the flood. I envisioned being electrocuted. Got very wet. That's all. Problem is now solved and basement floor is really clean.
Second, I have been eating like old times. Pizza and ice cream and donuts for most of weekend. I am swollen up like a poison toad. I have begun in the past two weeks to dream about food again. I dream about eating it and how good it tastes. Anyone else do that? I did this when I first started on the food plan. Very odd. Last night I dreamed I was at some national weight loss convention and was being given an award. Thing is, I had gained 10 pounds and my clothes were strangling me. I felt just awful. I woke up feeling fat and awful, and water logged.
I have not bought the idea of sugar as addictive. I think I am changing my mind. I think that is what the eating dreams are about. My body and brain are processing the new sugar overload just as a year ago they processed the sugar withdrawal. Cravings at night have been hideous. I don't think I can handle sugar. And sure not alone. In all the house stuff my prayer life has been on hold. Not good. I need help to cope. Today I prioritized my life again. God first, sugar abstinent eating second and every other darn thing after numbers one and two. This will not be easy in the panic of home repairs and moving. Pray for me.
Third, is there a difference between passion and lust? (Cleaning and spackling and painting give a person time to think.) I believe I have often mistaken them. I want passion in my life. Lust just gets me into trouble. I think lust may be insatiable and passion can be fulfilled. That statement feels liberating. My sugar cravings are insatiable. I get filled up on healthy food. I hate insatiable. I want to be delivered from it. I think only God can do it. I have lived my life controlled by lust, at least in concept if not in deed. Okay so there have been a few deeds. I do not want to be ruled by lust. I begin to get a clearer picture of the sin of gluttony.
That's all. The posts and comments may be few and far between in the next month. I am dead heat busy. Or not. This writing thing has become as integral as breathing. I am grateful to be given words and a venue to express them.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea