Friday, September 7, 2007

Tempted and Tried

There is some old Eagles or Don Hennley song with the line,"this is the last useless evening I will ever spend." I have come to the same point with food.

I had forgotten what compulsive eating was really like. I have eaten crap for occasional meals and binges over the past year but have always quit after a meal or binge or two. Not so during week before, and Labor Day weekend. I consciously ate everything I used to eat and in the amounts I used to eat. After seven days of this kind of eating I was sick as a dog and crazy. Here is the list of the food induced ailments.

1. Flatulent enough to float.
2. Clogged up to my eyeballs.
3. Painful acid reflux that no amount of Pepsid would cure.
4. Yeast infection requiring two one dose Monistat cures.
5. Acne.
6. Cravings from hell.
7. A screaming fit in a lumber yard.
8. Crying jag that lasted for two days.
9. Lethargy like I was wading through molasses in snowshoes.
10. Panic attack. I haven't had one of these in years.
11. Herpes attack to go along with the yeast infection.
12. Sleeping like the dead alternating with prowling around at night like a nervous burglar.
And
13. Water logged enough my wedding ring wouldn't fit.

Scared the pea wadding out of me. Especially the emotional stuff. I have been suicidal but never "nuts" like Mom was nuts. Never completely out of control. I came close in the middle of the sheet rock section of that lumber yard. Screaming mad I was. I don't scream without much internal preparation. It is work for me to have to scream. But scream I did. I have been possessed by the spirit of sugar invited rage.

I am better now. No overt sugar for the last couple of days. I had a short season in Hell. I don't want to go back. Even if I never lose another damn pound I am finally well and truly GRATEFUL for the healthy way I have learned to eat, and this is how I will continue.

I thought my food plan was limiting and boring and time consuming, and sometimes it is, but compared to the other way of living it is a BLESSING. I had lost sight of that.

Okay enough said. I am now going out and look for self stick tile. Supper is cooked and waiting. Meals are planned and semi done for the weekend. Thank God I am better.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea

3 comments:

Lori said...

Oh I'm so sorry that life has been so difficult for you. It's funny how we fall back on our old crutches even though there's a voice in the back of our head saying, "It's really not a good idea to do this, you know?"

I'm not saying that this was a good thing but at least you have proof that you benefit from the healthy eating you set up for yourself. I'm at the point where if I don't lose another pound, I'm okay too. It would be nice but what's more important is the daily things we need to do for ourselves. I'm glad you are doing better and planned out meals and food. Take care of yourself and don't overwork.

Andrea K said...

I'm coming out of some food craziness, too, and I do feel so much better mentally and physically.

We're also dealing with flooring issues in our house. I've gotten a whole education in tile, vinyl and laminates. Good luck.

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