I am going to take the little t.v. over to the house and watch/listen to old videos. May even take DVD player over and watch DVD's. Crock pot is also darn good idea for supper. I have two, why did I not think of using them? Tired I guess. Lean Cuisine for lunch with veggies, genius. (We have been having sandwiches but I don't want all that bread.) Cheese sticks and apples for snacks.
Not much help to be had. Hunting season you know. Everyone vanishes into the hills for the months of September and October. Women in church friendly but leading their own busy lives. When packing time comes I will ask for volunteers.
Rest and sleep, not much to be had. Slept from midnight until 3am last night. I need hormones. Was not going to take them because I believe they might kill me (heart attack) but at this point I would relish looking rested in the casket. No time to get to doctor to get the darn things. My right hand goes numb when I look down. Is from all the painting. My neck is about shot. Did go and get a massage, with hot rocks. Heaven. Massage therapist told me to quit talking and "receive." So I did. I need to find my barley neck heating pad.
Back to rewards. If I suffer I am entitled to whatever I need to blot out/mitigate the suffering. It is this kind of addictive thinking that has me in its thrall. Food has again taken on magical properties. I look forward to it curing my ills. And I am here to tell you ice cream does not get the knots out of my neck. I have been trying this treatment to no avail. But while I am eating, I do forget about the knots. This is the payoff. While I am eating I forget my pain. And I believe I deserve to not be in pain. I should not have to suffer. And if I do suffer I am owed compensation. Where do you suppose I came up with this thinking? Owed, I am owed that pint of carmel-sutra. Like there is some cosmic suffering scale and when my side becomes weighted down with care it is my job to balance out the other side with food.
I am not owed food as a cure all for my pain. Pain comes. My job is to lean on God and learn to handle the pain. I am not owed pain relief. If anyone knows what I mean let me know. I am writing it but I don't really get it. Weird, I have to write in order to see what I think.
Have now to go 30 miles and get more paint. Store here has run out. Basement is almost complete. Closets are almost all done. Plumbing is done. Spackling and caulking almost all done. Husband home early and we are going to enjoy paint shopping drive.
Thank you again for your concern and your brilliant ideas. Take care of yourselves. Love Bea