"Shock and exhaustion" is what Cindy said. Yep. And fear. How am I ever going to get all this done? And how will I pay for it? I have been praying for strength and more money and help. Maybe I should be praying for peace. I can not even describe how tired I am.
"Shock" what a great word. That is what is basically the matter with me. I love my "routes" and nothing is normal. I am in shock. Like a bomb exploded in my living room. I feel like I have been attacked. (I know this is over reaction and I am not dying.) Mark keeps telling me not to worry and then blithely goes off to work. I resent this mightily. I not only bought the house and made all the arrangements for remodeling supplies, I am also working like a hired man in the remodeling process. I also have to keep the current house running, i.e. food, laundry, bills. I knew Mark could not take time off from work when we started this process, but I am feeling very abandoned none the less. Night sweats are killing me. I sleep maybe four hours a night. I painted for nine hours yesterday, on four hours sleep. I can barely type.
My only reward for all this work and stress is food. I know there are more rewards out there but when I get tired I can't think of any. I tried for a hot bath last night but the water heater had quit again. Had to push the reset button and wait an hour for a tepid shower. I ate an entire jar of raspberry jam in the interim. I want sugar and salt. We eat a good breakfast and it is down hill from there. Lunch is on the run and supper is at 8-9pm and is fast food. What I really want is order. None to be had for the next couple of months. I can't even do the laundry as the blankety blank power in the laundry room has quit again. I will be glad to get out of this rented house and into my own snug little home. Please God don't let me eat a house before I can change houses.
If any of you know how to reward yourselves with out using food or money or big chunks of time let me know.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea