I hit bottom last night. Angry at Mark, angry at me and angry at God. None of us deserved it.
I am so tired. I cry a lot. Nothing is moving fast, except for rapidly running out of money. Mark was supposed to set up the actual move. He hasn't. Some vague "people from work" may or may not have a horse trailer that they may or may not let us use. They "might" also be available to help lift and carry. All this nebulous planning is driving me nuts. I need to know if we have transportation and help to move. I am worried about the cost of all this remodeling. I am also worried we won't get the basics done before having to move in. It is just the two of us doing it, and one of us goes off to work for nine or ten hours a day. I was panicked when he finally arrived last night. And then he started to whistle.
Mark does not worry about anything. Mostly this is a good trait but occasionally it backfires. In this case the backfire from his wife should have killed him. I had been painting for four hours when he showed up late. Court ran long. He was in a good humor and wanted to tell me all about his triumphant day. He was whistling off and on. When I said "stop that" he wanted to know what was wrong with me. I opened my mouth to tell him...and God hushed me.
What came out was, "Just a little tired. Go on telling me about your day." Shocked the sh*t out of me. I wanted to kill him, and I was being nice. Spiritual lessons abound lately. Mark's faith that God will come to our rescue is correct. My belief that he, Mark, is an irresponsible nut case is incorrect. God gave me the grace not question Mark's firm conviction that "all this will work out." And you know what, I felt better.
While washing out paint brushes last night I prayed for faith and peace. I put the money thing and the moving thing back in God's hands. "Please help us and guide us" I prayed. Then I too started to whistle. I slept like a log last night.
This morning I had to get the phone and t.v. switched to the new house. Took all morning. Usually this sort of thing makes me flaming mad at the time I am forced to waste. Not this morning. I was calm as a cucumber and nice to all. Had to spend the morning at the washateria. This new activity is also driving me nuts. Money and time down the drain (no pun). Not this morning. I read magazines and joked with the other regulars. Later, I had to call about the shed we are having built. I couldn't find the number. Phone book fell open at "Movers" page. Right in front of my eyeballs was a phone number for Rider moving trucks. I swear to God that wasn't there before. The reason we were trying to line up horse trailers and pickups was because of no local movers. Trucks are $30-45 per day and forty-nine cents a mile (we are moving five miles). We can rent one any old time we please. They also rent dollies to move stuff.
If mustard seed faith can move mountains, maybe misty faith can produce peace, and moving trucks. I will be interested to see how God works out the money situation.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea