Saturday, June 13, 2009


Drove a million miles to meet us in Friday night traffic, and I am grateful. Was a treat to see one of my blog buddies face to face. In the wilds of Wyoming it is sometimes hard to believe you all exist. Not so hard to believe here in paradise. Miracles are possible.

I am down today. I am tired today. I want to go home today. I miss my dog, cats and my isolated home today. I am well and truly out of my comfort zone. I wouldn't change a thing.

Meeting Helen was an eye opener for me. She is as kind and attractive as she seems online. She is also accomplished, cultured, savvy and brave. Her life has been, and is full of interesting people, places and experiences. I envy her internal freedom. I asked her where this ability to go out and meet life came from. I am not sure I received a direct explanation. I did get an indirect explanation. She was talking about attending Burning Man every year and how freeing was that experience. She spoke of a lack of boundaries and free form creativity. Called to something deep within me, which I squelch at every opportunity. I was taught that that upwelling of limitless thinking was sinful in the extreme. I am not talking about the abandonment of boundaries, that is for emerging teenagers and criminals, I am talking about the embodiment of...hope I guess. No one around me believed hope was a good thing. It was silly and dangerous. Hope was limited to a few privileged people who had the resources to dream. Po people don't dream big.

I think the message of Christianity is to dream big. I think that has always been the message of Christ. Limitless Heaven is offered to earth bound sinners. The mystics understood and understand the message. And some of the Helen's. And maybe someday, some of the Lynn's.

Turns out my funny colored clothes are the poor woman's version of "resort ware." I did not know about resort ware. Apparently you wear it at resorts. Anaheim is not a resort and everyone here seems to be dressed for a military funeral. Black, brown, grey and muddy colors are the order of day. Mark says the way he finds me in the crowds is by looking for my pastel colored jacket.

We are going on a beach tour this afternoon. We are going home tomorrow. I am glad I came but it will take me a while to regain my footing. But maybe it will be new footing.

See you at home. Love Bea


Helen said...

Woman, YOU ROCK....somewhere deep inside you know, for lack of a better adjective (and writing fast so no time to be precise), worthy you are. I see that you do. Someday I know you will be able to truly SEE that!

I had SO much fun and I babbled to DB about how great you guys were forever last night. :-) I will blog my version as soon as I have a minute.

Hope you enjoy the beach today...I am so happy you will get to see it!

We will see each other again... :-)

Helen said...

P.S. Not a million, only 47 miles each way...practically next door for CA! ;-) I was home by 11:45.

Anonymous said...

I tried posting yesterday but Blogger ate it. Booo.

But yayyyy for you and Helen having a marvelous time! You are both Good People so it's not surprising that you hit it off in person. I think the possibility of Hope seems hard for many of Us to grasp and seeing someone who gets it is inspiring. So yayyy again to you and Helen.

Hope your trip home was safe and know you will be happy to be there.

Helen said...

DB accidentally deleted all the photos of us. :-( I was SO very angry and was crying. So he bought some software to retrieve what he could and got the first photo of us back (the others are gone). Is it ok to post that one?? I don't love my neck in it, but I think it's good of you...

Welcome home...can't wait to hear about the rest of your trip! :-)

LG said...

I think Anne is right; the possibility of hope is hard for me to grasp at least and I'm sure it is for a lot of Us. It's something to think about.

But I knew Helen would be everything that she is on line and more! I'm just so excited that you got to meet her! WOW!