Friday, April 6, 2007

Fat Thanking and Easter

Markovian Theory #6
AARP is run by the Devil. Mark used to believe it was a wing of the Democratic Party but says his thinking has "evolved." He is 52.

I believe in the Resurrection. Christ's and mine. I am grateful, for the most part.

I am grateful to have my sins forgiven and hope of Heaven when I die. The thing is, am I grateful to be getting a resurrected body? Must give us pause. I have hated my body for most of my life. It has always been my too fat enemy. It jiggles and joggles and sticks out in all the wrong places. And now I am going to have to keep it for eternity? I don't know....

I want to be resurrected as me only with Audrey Hepburn's body. But that is not how it is going to work. I, me, the whole of me, will live for eternity. A healthy happy redeemed me, but me none the less. Cosmic dissonance. If I am going to live in my body forever I will at some point have to make peace with it, nay, love it.

Back to fat thanking. I tried it this morning. Good grief. How many tears can a person cry? Good thing I was in the shower. My body, the poor abused thing. An innocent I have ignored and/or tortured for years. By the Light of eternity I can see my way clear to making some changes. I will start small. I will treat it as my beloved child. Good food, appropriate rest, good health care and lots of play. Will be my chance to finally mother some one. Who would have thunk it would be, me.

Happy Easter to all of you. Take care of your eternal selves.

Love Bea


BigAssBelle said...

happy Easter to you too, sweetie. This post made me cry. In a good way. I forget to be tender with myself, though I have no trouble at all taking care of everyone else. It's so much easier to be hard with me and faced with this food plague, I can even convince myself that taking the hard core punishing line is the way to go. It always backfires. Food is my bottom line basic always and forever comfort and when I am in pain, I will want to turn to food even if I don't actually do it.

Hugs to you. I am thinking of my Savior on this Good Friday and that, too, brings me to tears.

Vickie said...

happy easter to you also - I think it is just the curse of all women - everywhere - to take care of everyone but themselves - even better care of strangers than ourselves. . .

Debra said...

Happy Easter, Bea. I attend a wonderful Good Friday Service yesterday at Holy Name Cathedral and went on to the Stations of the Cross afterwards -- a wonderful way to understand the way that our suffering is redeemed. Jesus never looked at anyone with condemnation; neither should we. Including ourselves.