Thursday, April 26, 2007

Is Blogging Real?

For instance, I want to put up a link list and change this site around, but it will take too much time. If I give this blogging thing more than an hour per day I feel guilty. Guilty? Yes because it is not real. It has no purpose. It produces nothing. It is just me navel gazing on screen. All this is okay if done during off hours for entertainment, but not okay if it is taking up time during working hours. It is a big waist (hee, hee) of my time. And I am beginning to resent it. And I can't stop.

A friend asked me how long it took my to craft my posts? Craft? I run up here type hell bent for election, hit "publish" and run away. Not a craft in sight. And it shows. Only sometimes I get caught. I love to read all the other blogs. Then I just have to respond. This takes time. I am spending hours up here reading and thinking and writing, when I should be working. Part of the problem is the computer situation. This is Mark's computer in Mark's office. I can only use it during the day. He uses it most evenings. I keep saying I am going to get another computer so I can "play" in the evenings on my "little" blog. But I feel guilty about spending a bunch of money for another "pointless writing toy."

Where do I get this crap?

My worker bee self is at war with this new writer self. My worker bee self thinks writing is okay if you are talented and making money wallowing around in all this verbiage. But otherwise it is a complete waste of time. Why would you be taking up valuable day time writing what is in essence a diary. Who the hell cares about all your junk but you? If you have to write all this stuff down get a decent paper book and have at it in the evenings or on Sundays. Stop using up your most alert, insightful, motivated time at the computer. You need this energy to keep daily life functioning, i.e. cleaning the toilet and doing the laundry.

The shaky, hesitant, insecure writer self says, "But what about everything I am learning. And creating?"

"Honey you are not creating anything. It is a diary for God's sake. And you are not Tolstoy and no one is interested in your mundane life. This is just more pointless introspection. Who cares when and if you lose a pound or get the cats wormed? Stop writing and do the dishes."

(I tell you what, I am getting damn sick of all these personality components bossing me around.)

"Well" the insecure writer self says, "maybe I could compromise. I will work all morning and then write in the afternoon.

"Okay says Miss Worker Bea, but see that you do actually do this."

It is 10:00 a.m.. Sigh.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea.


Anonymous said...

Your blogging is very real to me. As you learn about yourself and share it here, I gain a new perspective, learn to think in a new way, or simply feel that maybe I'm not alone. One little comment doesn't amount to much, but I find your writing/sharing to be very, very valubable!


Anonymous said...

I am interested, and this is much more worthwhile than cleaning the toilet. It's a way of thinking things through and making sense of them. Self discovery is good for your soul and your pysche. "The unexamined life is not worth living." You just feel guilty for spending time on yourself.


Debra said...

I hear what you're saying, Bea. I feel that way too, sometimes, but I love to read what other people (like you) have to say. I think writing accesses a deeper part of ourselves than speaking does and the community that forms around it has a very appealing safe kind of intimacy to it.

Grumpy Chair said...

In the beginning reading blogs and posting was taking up time, that I felt should be spent toward toilet cleaning and dusting. I'm not on for hours on end, like I was last summer, but I do put aside an hour each morning to read and an hour each evening to post. But I hate that I feel guilty about it. . .

Beula said...

I know it is important. I need, need, need the support and my life is improving with the stuff I am learning. But I still feel guilty. Like I have substituted this for watching T.V. I guess it is all about balance. (It would be wouldn't it.) I go overboard on everything, at least at first. I will have to put the blogging in balance.

Anonymous said...

This is much better than television; it is interactive rather than passive, and thought provoking as well.


Anonymous said...

Once upon a time, all educated people were expected to spend time every day on their correspondence and journals. It was considered good self discipline. How times have changed that you should now feel guilty for it. The format is different. That's all.


Helen said...

Hi...thanks for your comment on my blog. I've left an extensive answer for you there...probably more than you ever wanted to know! :-)

Cindy174 said...

the hell with the toilet(s)...I wish I had more time for blogging. My job gets in the way. Don't stop. It is real. And really cool. These are actual connections, with real people, all over the place. And I like to read your stuff.

BigAssBelle said...

hmmm . . . i know at the end of life, i'll be wishing i'd got the toilet a little cleaner before kicking off. :-)

"Honey you are not creating anything. . . . beg to differ. Writers start by simply writing. You are publishing your thoughts and insights on an issue that affects millions and more every day. You're a brilliant writer, a brilliant mind. I think what you're doing here could lead you down the path you seek.

I agree that limiting the time is probably wise. But the average American watches four hours or more of television a day. TV is absolutely mind numbing. Studies have shown that the brain waves of folks watching for long periods of time are the same as if they were asleep.

Back in the day before television, there was more opportunity for social interaction with others. When's the last time you went to a "coffee klatch" (so quaint) or got together with friends to play cards for an evening or sat on the porch and visited with the neighbors?

I am also not one to "craft" these posts. I pretty much just type and go and will occasionally have to correct an error after it's out there. I'm not throwing myself out there for someone to judge or grade me. I'm throwing it out there because I have never been able to maintain the discipline of physically picking up pen and putting it to paper to write a journal. It is too laborious and it wears me out. Yet I want to write about things that interest me or are important to me because I know that writing brings insight. So I type 130 words per minute and I don't have to scrawl out my thoughts on paper. That we can do this publicly and find like minded souls or be exposed to opinions different than ours, well all the better.

I am almost entirely isolated in the work i do for myself. My business is online or gathering big lots of antiques to ship to dealers in other states. But I'm a pretty social person and I love people and I think I would go crazy without an outlet. Like a flower with no water, I would wilt away.

I'm rambling, but the short answer is "yes." I've missed you and the equally brilliant Miss Debra and I've been putting off visiting you two since I came back because I knew I'd get caught up and have to blab and blab and blab, and so I have. I'm saving your past posts for tomorrow. Off to take a nap, then more gardening. Hugs, lynette

PS.... please keep writing

daisyk said...

Oh, Beula, get over it! Maybe you're not writing a "Work" (or maybe you are -- check out the source for *I'm Not the New Me*) but then you haven't trained, in a sense, to write a Work.

THIS is your training. You're playing scales here, learning what makes people laugh & cry, what your strengths are & aren't. You're reading about the human condition, or least the First World condition, at its rawest & most unfinished space beyond conversation. You're learning to trust unknown people with your stories & anecdotes & thoughts.

So just play your scales & let the rest of us enjoy them, OK?