Friend?

One of the things I love best about Mark is his Frankenstein imitation. He sticks his arms out straight in front of him and walks lock kneed toward me saying "F- r- i- e- n -d" in a deep voice.

I am trying to befriend my self and it ain't easy.

Gad this girl is resistant to niceness. She won't respond to compliments, praise or encouragement. I have also offered sympathy and empathy. She has turned them down cold. "Leave me alone. I am a fat pointless failure. No one really wants to be around me or cares about me," she says. What to do in the face of this implacable idiocy? I have first and foremost recalled God's love, and the many friends and family who love her. This seems to make some small impression. She will grudgingly admit,"Yes I do know I am loved." I decide to build on this.

Now, would someone who loved you push you to eat rubbery cranberry sauce left over from Thanksgiving at three o'clock in the afternoon. Even if you did mix it with fat free yogurt? "No," she will slowly agree, "it's disgusting." What would someone who loved you ask you to do? "Well," she temporizes, "I guess they would tell me to eat something healthy and good tasting." Might they also ask you why you are eating? "They might." Good land, this is like pulling teeth. How would you respond? "I would tell them to get fu...." Language, language. Now if you really accepted their love how would you respond. "I would tell them I didn't know." Well if you did know, what would you say? "I would say I don't know any other way to comfort myself." Is that true? "No...I know other healthy ways, they are just not as immediate." So what you really want is immediate gratification for any and all pain? "Yes."

Let's switch tracks. If you loved someone, as you are loved, would you encourage a life of immediate gratification? "No." Why not. "Is childish for starters. Only babies get to have immediate gratification." Did you get immediate gratification as a child? Now stop looking at me like that. "No probably not." Will you think long and hard about the ramifications of your last statement if we move on? "Okay." Why else would you not encourage immediate gratification? "Does not build patience or a sense of reward." These are important to a healthy happy life? "Yes. Self esteem is built on them." So...a friend would want you to esteem yourself? "Yes, if she loved me." Are you loved? "Yes, I am loved." Can you model this love and esteem youself? "Maybe." How? "I'll dump out the moldy crogurt and have a cup of tea. And maybe a nap."

Brava friend.

Take care of yourselves. Love Bea