Wednesday, May 2, 2007

The Creep

What a day I'm having. A friend was in a rollover last eve and I am trying figure out if I am needed and if I want to go see her. Six people have called me so far today to find out if I am coming. I don't know. I do not have enough info. yet. I am not just going to jump in the car and drive 400 miles if she is in okayish shape. They dismissed her last eve after patching her up so I know she isn't dying. Mark is in the middle of a yucky trial and does not want to go until it is over. This would be Friday at the earliest. Friend and her husband are in their seventies. We are sort of like their children. Friend's husband said don't come, we already have enough trouble without entertaining you. Have not yet talked directly with the friend to find out what she wants. She totaled the car when she rolled it so I know they have no transportation. She also has a broken rib and a "bunged up" (whatever that means) shoulder. I could run them around and help set them up at home with care and supplies if needed. I could also provide moral support. We have been with them through their last few surgeries. Gad I don't know what to do. I do not want to go for a whole host of reasons, most selfish. This is my interminable bind.

I have spent my life "helping out" and I don't want to help out no more. Fine attitude for a friend and for a Christian. I wish love would motivate me to run to the rescue but it hasn't so far. And make no mistake I do love my friend. I just can't come up with the oomph to do all the necessary stuff to be gone for 3-5 days. What a creep I am. I chose not to take care of a dear aunt as she was dying and have felt guilty ever since. This is more of the same. I don't know what is the "right" thing to do. Should I rush to the rescue if I don't want to? I don't know that my friend would expect it, but their friends sure do. My friends do not have children. If they lived closer I would be there in a shot. Listened to a sermon this very morning about selfishness. Apparently none of it stuck. If I was sick I sure would like my friends to rally round. Maybe we can go this weekend. Gad what a creep I am. This is the end of this rambling post.

Take care of yourselves 'cause I sure don't want to. Love, the Creep.


Charity said...

Tough choice. You are not a creep. You live 400 miles away - what is that 5-6 hours? Wait until the weekend when you can go with your husband. It will be easier on you, you still get to see you friends, and their other friends can do some things to help out in the meantime.

Debra said...

I'm so sorry about your friend. I can tell that she is not the only one shaken up; however, this is very mysterious to me. She got banged up, not put in the I.C.U. Her husband told you not to come because your visit would place additional stress on them. Why is it hard to stay home, wish them well, and offer to come if needed? It seems like your presence is not required. None of this makes you a creep. Even if she asked for you but you felt unable to go, you would not be a creep. You would be a person who understood her own limits and understood that she is not responsible for anyone else besides herself. If, after taking care of herself, she found she had leftover energy to devote to others, she would.

Cindy174 said...

You are not a creep at all. It is tricky, these situations. And it sounds like maybe some guilt from your past could be coloring your thinking in the present situation. My parents are in their seventies, and my dad has alzheimers (sp?) now, in the early to middle stages perhaps. There are times when I want to go help out, and my Mom says not to, not because she is not wanting to put me out, but because sometimes having extra people around can cause more stress. My sister lives in CA and visited recently, after being with them she came to my house with the attitude that it was an emergency that we all do something. I called Mom and asked if she wanted me to bring my brother down to help out with some things, and she said to wait, that they were worn out from my sister's visit. I feel like I should be doing more, but what I am doing is asking regularly what I can do to help, and what she wants, then trying to also respect some of their boundaries, too. Under the circumstances, I want to spend as much time as I can with my Dad, so there may be times when she says to stay home, when I may insist on coming, or simply surprise them. It is a two hour drive, and I used to think I had to spend a day there for it to be worth the drive. What I have realized now is that even if I spend the four hours round trip driving and I only stay a while, it is still worth it for all of us. The longer visits may be more taxing for them. Not sure why I am rambling with all these details, it just seemed along the same topic. Wanting to help, not knowing exactly what to do, or how, under the circumstances. They told you not to come right now, but by weekend, they may be up for a visit. No creeps here, really.

BigAssBelle said...

i know this is difficult for you, Bea. it hurts to read your words referring to yourself as selfish, as a creep. it just seems to me that you're having your own trials and difficulties right now and rushing to the aid of another isn't in the cards for you.

sometimes we just have to apologize and go on. nobody is perfect. we will always let others down as they will us.

i know life hands us plenty of situations in which we have to step up, regardless of how we feel. but in this case, your friend has said "don't come" and still the club over your head.

woulda shoulda coulda, the triple word antidote to happiness. i gained over 100 pounds going past my limits every single day for more than a year. it is not extreme to say it nearly killed me. no is not a dirty word.