Today I am on a canal boat in England. I am floating along on one of the inland water ways. It is definitely not snowing. I am not trapped in my house because the county road crew plowed the main road and blocked the driveway. Again.
I will now have to shovel out slabs of ice the size of dinner plates (funny how everything with me somehow relates to food) and snow boulders a couple of feet across to be able to get out. We need a snow plow. Is snowing as I write. Four inches predicted for today and twelve inches after midnight. Two more local people were killed this weekend in a snow related accident. Snow has stopped being a scenic sidelight in all of our lives and become a major grim factor.
Still pondering about fat and femininity. I have been stuck for years in an androgynous mind set. I have not felt feminine. I have not felt masculine. Maybe androgynous is not the word I am looking for. Asexual? Nope that isn't it either. Thinner I felt feminine. Fatter I felt...not feminine. When I hit 182 and was just fat (for my height and bone structure) as opposed to OBESE I felt feminine. In my mind I could be fatish and be feminine. Obese I was/am a freak who no longer had/has the right to be feminine. What a load of codswallop. Where do I get this stuff?
Okay, if I am obese at 183 then it is the word that got/is getting to me and not my actual size. Also why if I am "obese" haven't I the right to be/feel feminine? Is this cultural? Are fatter women so hated in our society that we are not even permitted to be women? Are we just amorphous blobs, not women and not men? Or are we so much woman that we are threatening? Or is all this stuff just in my own mind as a result of a molested childhood? Beats me.
I was never into fat power. I did delve deeply into feminist theory. In some circles there was a crossover. "Fat as a Feminist Issue" springs to mind. I couldn't get involved in any of that. During my rabid feminist phase I was thin and living in terror of the fat returning. Twenty five years later I can now see the validity of many of their points. And I still don't want to burn my girdle. Pardon me, "body shaper." I want to know why if I am obese I do not feel feminine?
This has been a round robin post. No answers to be found. By the by, in the sexual arena my excess weight did not seem to matter. For dates, yes. For sex, no. This brings up another whole topic. Is there a difference between being a woman and being feminine? I am now just procrastinating.
Off to shovel ice platters. Take care. Love Bea