Epiphany, part one . I have gained more weight. Cried in the bathroom standing on the scale. Cat came in to comfort me. I picked her up and the scale went up to 195. Almost fell down. The cat had gained weight also. She weighed 12 pounds. Do the math, I now weigh 183. Was down to 178. Five d^*n pounds. Got off the scale and promptly attacked Mark. Poor thing. All he asked was "why are you crying?" I was a bitch all morning, and depressed. And then it was time to go to church.
Prayed for forgiveness, accepted forgiveness and asked Mark's forgiveness. Gave fat to God, again. Had major insight sitting there in the pew in my jumper. (I had quit wearing this fat person garment. This shows how low I felt. ) I am gaining weight because I am not drinking my water, not exercising and not portion controlling. I am also cheating. The return of the fat is not inevitable and is not beyond, with God's help, my control. I could start over, again. So I have.
Epiphany, part two. I hate the treadmill and the exercise bike because they are INDOORS. I want to be outside exercising. I did not know this until yesterday. No wonder I have a terrible time with gyms. Opens up a world of possibilities in this winter wonderland. I am going to figure out how to snowshoe. And why couldn't I cross country ski? But first things first. I had to figure out how to walk outdoors on a daily basis. Not as easy as it sounds. Has been way below zero here for a month.
Initial step, find clothing. Looked at snowmobile suits. The suckers cost upwards of $200. Had a very strange thing happen while browsing said suits. Sales lady came over, took a look at me and said, "you aren't near that big, I think a large would fit you." I had been in the 2x's. I may still be fat but I am no longer obese, even with my five gained pounds. Okay so Skidoo suits were too expensive. Looked at Carhart overalls. Still over $100, and stiff as a board. This small town has very few clothing options and I had exhausted them all. I gave up and we went to Family Dollar to buy cat litter. The store had long underwear on sale. Bought underwear. Went home and located my old rain pants. Figured I would put them over jeans and the long underwear and would be warm enough. Rain pants were 3x's. I could not keep them on. Mark said I could wear his. I figured these would be too small. They fit, largely. Hitched and rolled them up and was set.
Next step. Walk. It was 8 below here this morning. Took me 20 minutes to get dressed. I looked like the Michelin woman. I didn't care. We set out at a good pace, and kept it up, until my glasses froze over. I used a credit card to scape them off, and continued. It was gorgeous. The mountains against the stars ahead of me and the rushing water on the left were my rewards for movement. We walked for 45 minutes. I loved it. It has "lightened" my mood and given me encouragement for the rest of this weight loss journey. All I need now are some of those snow cleat shoe things. Take care of yourself.