Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Who I Am ?

I will be 50 at the end of the month.
I have lost 50 plus pounds.
My mother was dead by 50.
I am not a nurse any more.
I am turning down invitations to join church and civic groups.
I feel guilty.
I think a getting Masters Degree was fun but ultimately pointless.
I dyed my hair red/blonde.
I am restless.
My size is not an issue in this new place.
Parts of me no longer stick out into the crowd.
I am still unseen.
I look like every other plump matron in town.
I am asking for help.
I am stuck at 180-181.
I am no longer so defensive.
I have become more offensive.
And it scares me.
I have taken up cursing, again.
Forgive me God.
My Gerry fixation is over.
Is my other obsession over?
I think I will join Curves anyway.
I miss my mentor.
Who will see me?

1 comment:

Vickie said...

I loved Curves - if they had treadmills - I would have been there forever. they are getting new machines - that tell you workout effectiveness.

My suggestion -
make a list of ALL your exercise options - play detective in your new town - what are ALL the groups, places, options? Make a chart or spread sheet - get the data - it will all solve itself as you write it - times, costs, convenience, interests.

I for one - would agree with you NOT to jump into groups - they suck you up - sometimes - you get so into what THEY expect - that you don't look at what YOU want. especially if you are someone that tries to please. If you feel Ambivalent about certain groups - it might be for a reason. You could chart out this kind of stuff too.

How is unpacking going? You said you like routines - are you just not able to figure out how to get moving? start routines - like a daily TO DO list -
get up -
workout -
eat breakfast,
get dressed for the day -
household tasks -
something for yourself -
errands -

it will just start to fill itself in. You might try blogging EVERY DAY - it helps - I swear to you - it helps.