Had my third massage yesterday. Ho boy.
My massage therapist was stove up. Had hurt her back overdoing the grand kid thing. (Is always very startling to me when people younger than I have grand children.) Anyway, she was in obvious pain. I immediately went on guilt overload. "I'll go home I said. You are in no shape to be taking care of anyone. I am fine and do not really need a massage." This was blatant nonsense. My neck and shoulder were killing me and I had been looking forward to the massage for days. "I am fine standing up, she said, it will be alright." I remembered taking care of patients while in splints and casts and/or stoked to the gills on antihistamines or anti-diarrheal agents. Why could I not accept the same ministry? Notice a theme starting here? Meee too.
Okay I am naked on the table and in she comes, blowing her nose. Sinus problems. Damn, more guilt. I begin to sympathize and offer solutions. She then tells me in no uncertain terms, "Beula I can take care of myself. It is not your job. I am taking care of myself right now and do not need or want your help." Did not want my help? The hallelujah chorus plays here. THANK GOD. I relaxed completely. If she keeled over I would lie still and call for a nurse. This woman is a treasure.
Now come the big guns. She is rubbing my feet. They hurt. "I am worried about your heart she says. Be sure and pay attention to your heart." Gor Blimey. Okay I'll try I say. She then attempts to poke her finger clean through my right buttock. I yowl. "Have you been sexually abused she says." Uh, yes I say, why do you ask? "Left over pain from sexual abuse is usually stored in the sciatic/sacral area and sinuses she volunteers. You still have a lot of unexpressed pain here." She again jabs me. I'm a believer. I turn over. She is rubbing my neck, finally. "Do you have issues with your mother she asks." Well...darn... how to answer that? I slowly settle on, "yes." "You are stuck right here." She points to the top of my sternum. "Your neck hurts because your emotions about your mother are stalled in your head and neck. YOU ARE NOT FEELING MUCH OF ANYTHING FROM THE NECK DOWN." Crap, shit, damn, fuck. What does that mean I ask cheerfully. "It means most of your emotions can not be incorporated into your body. You probably cannot identify feelings in your body, only in your head." I am not even sure she is still speaking English. Feel emotions in my body? "Like a nervous stomach she says." I am still in the dark. "I have some homework for you she says. I want you to try and identify one body emotion before next session. Oh, and also work on your mother issues." Yes, I'll get right on that I say. Farts.
I am now back home. I want to do my assignment. I also do not have the vaguest notion of how to go about it. What the hell is a "body emotion?" I do not recognize when I am emoting I now recognize. Okay I do know what I don't know. That is a start.
Help Ethels. What is a body emotion and how do you recognize it? What are the physical manifestations? Do most people feel their emotions in their bodies? Like if you have pain in your big toe you know you are happy? I'm in a void here.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea