Friday, January 11, 2008

Back To Normalish

Another five inches of snow last night. We have tunnels outside each of the doors. More snow forecast for today and tomorrow. Supposed to let up on Sunday. Good grief I hope so.

I think I have found an outlet for my passion and my obsessions. Cindy suggested it. "Why not fiction?" Why not? I no longer want to act out my manias. Way to destructive. But they reside in me and holler and moan for recognition. So okay, I will recognize them. I will fictionalize them. I already have an outline in my head for...what...a book? I may be able to exorcise my daemons. Will probably not be for public consumption. I can't see myself as a writer of bodice rippers. And considering my past, this will probably have some little ripping writing in it. I need a computer of my own.

I think the dog may have broken her tail. It hangs funny and she is chewing on the end of it. What next? Vet visit in the works. Whomper Dinky has stopped peeing. We are crating Socks up for the night and this seems to be making an impression on her output also. No new pee spots for a couple of days. House still smells of vinegar.

Food. Big sigh inserted right here. I am wending my way back toward my food plan. Have purchased healthy food and have finally eaten up all of unhealthy food. Anybody ever heard of the F-Factor Diet? I ordered the book because I hope it will contain some high fiber recipes. I am getting bored with Kay's. A person can only eat so much oatmeal, beans and turkey before they go nuts and binge. I am not an inventive cook.

My exercise of late has been shoveling snow. I want to walk. I feel guilty walking on the treadmill with the dog laying right beside me. We should be walking outside, but the snow and the cold have got the best of me. Where the county road is plowed I am afraid we will get run over. In the unplowed areas the snow is deeper than the dog. This weekend we are going to get on the roof and shovel off the snow, but I guess in the main, it is the treadmill and guilt.

Yeah, the county plow just came through. I may now be able to get out to go to the store. But first I have to shovel the drive way.

Farewell from Nanook of the North. Love Bea.

5 comments:

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ar said...

Thanks for the honest comments about Kay's limited food choices. I have never done well with limited anything. Vicky's Babysteps I think has a lot to offer me about feeling one's way through the craziness of what to eat and how to live a healthy life in a holistic way. It is a process, not a series of events. She is making use of as much help as she can from many professionals, created a structure out of it to suit her own life and seems to be improvising all the time as her life and needs change all the time. She even experiments with her meal times, tuning into what works and what does not work. She seems to have created a solid structure of regular "real food" mealtimes that she can get back to after binging/struggle sessions, as well as a support network that she can refer back to and who are helping her in an unbiased way. Think that was one thing that worried when I was reading Kay's book, as inevitably when I am told "what not to do", I will rebel sooner than later. There are however many good ideas in her book which I can incorporate into my diet, especially the concept of being addicted to certain foods and to stay away from them. But instead of "staying away" (along "rules" lines) I would rather focus (as Vicky does) on foods that are healthy and good for me, to create menus that are attractive, healthful and fun, i.e. make the foods that are available abundant and limitless so that in the end they would blot out that which is harmful to us (the ones Kay says we are addicted to and probably more foods that only we can discov er for ourselves that we are addicted to).

I also like Vicky's idea of moving out of the house, out of isolation, and to get into as many forms of exercise as are enjoyable to her, to make her own progress and to work at it with herself in charge, rather than responding only to a set of instructions, whe takes that which works for her.

I am still to make a start, but have been through the worst of experiences and a non-stop binging session. Have succeeded to isolate myself completely to the point of almost oblivion, and your blogs have meant so much to me. I feel less alone and much more hopefull. Thanks for sharing those with "us". I have a feeling my "1 April" will be arriving soon and most of what has been valuable will have come from these blogs, more than the number of books I have read. ar

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