Up to my thighs now. We are supposed to close on the house tomorrow at 9:30. I keep hoping something will go wrong. I like the house, I am tired of being a renter and...I hate going back into debt. I am afraid of going into debt. No sugar in the house yesterday to eat. I ate a whole jar of salsa.
I have prayed for guidance about this house. I have prayed the process would be halted if is not God's will for us. I am about all prayed out.
1. I am afraid we will not be able to make the bills each month.
2. I fear the discipline/deprivation of a budgeted life.
3. I fear some big disaster that we will not have the money to cope with.
4. I fear the feeling of a self induced financial mess and the attendant guilt.
5. I fear making another costly mistake about money.
6. I fear the humiliation of being broke and and in debt.
7. I fear I will have to go back to being a nurse.
Well it took six tries but I finally got to the real fear. I will have to go back to work. Not to any job but to the high paying soul killing career I know so well. The career in which I become a walking corpse that smiles. I would rather be actually dead.
"What you resist you always draw to you." From Mentor Mary. Gad. Okay time to practise what I preach. I am going to sit quietly and let the worst care scenarios wash over me. I will dive head on into the fear. I am afraid of fear. But the only way out is through.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea