We are going to move. I keep expecting the bank to call and renege on the loan. Trust me to decide to buy a house in the midst of the worst lending crisis in the past twenty years. I watch the news and the phone, and wait. But, so far, so good.
You would think I would be excited. I'm not. I know what is ahead of me. I want to move...and I dread all the work it is going to take. Is a metaphor for my life. It is not the work I fear, it is the overwhelmedness and the fatigue. I am not a good pacer. I procrastinate and then panic and go at stuff like I am killing snakes. It wears me out. This pattern gets harder and harder with each passing year.
We have the month of September to move. In that month we have to clean the whole house, paint the inside of the whole house (it was a rental), put in two new windows, get some wiring done, put up a shed, and put up three storm doors. We also need to get a free standing car port installed. I also have to pack up this house and have a garage sale. I have to schedule the U-Haul and find people to help us load and unload. I can no longer carry washers and fridges. One of the lawyers in Mark's office quit so he is commuting 100 miles one way twice a week to fill in. At this point it looks like he won't be able to take much time off. I spent the morning sorting paper clips.
Okay this is a new house. My life will have new boundaries (a six foot white vinyl one for starters) and I have the option of letting in more help. Okay, I need help. I do not know how I am going to get all of this done. I have been dreaming about rushing around and losing my purse, car, shoes, swimming suit(?), and husband. I am attempting to fight off overwhelmedness. The more I fight off the fear, the less I move. I am wasting energy and time.
Set priorities. Be realistic. We may not get the whole house painted before we move in. I may not get the garage sale done. We may end up in a jumbled mess in a less than idea situation come October first. With no garage. Did I mention money is tight. We are moving from a comfortable big house into an uncomfortable little house. I just did this ten months ago. I want to stand around and sob. I am angry. And this was all my idea. Am I nuts?
I have prayed for energy, courage, clear thinking and humor. I think that about covers the waterfront. Okay, I am going out and price washers and dryers this afternoon. I will call around and see if any one sells sheet rock and molding. I will go look at paint colors.
Maybe I am just a little excited. Tee Hee. Take care of yourselves. Love Bea
P.S. Markovian Theory: Deer turn into elk on or around September 7th. The time of the annual change is dependant mostly on temperature gradients. Feed and/or elevation do not seem to affect the metamorphosis. The skins the deer shed (cocoons) are marked in red by the Forest Service and are reserved for the bears. We live in a tourist area. They have many questions. Mark has the answers.