Okay back to IE and, "Feeling my feelings." How do I feel the depression without spiraling downward? I do not want to get worse. I am bad enough now. I have tried to figure out why this episode and why now? This would be getting to the core of the depression. I have not come up with much. My craving for salt and chocolate, and lack of sleep, tell me this might be hormonal. Then what do you do? I don't think I can link hormonal depression to any outside events. But wait...maybe I can. Must give us pause. Maybe I am just unwilling, again, to face my feelings. There have been several things in the past few days which could be the root cause of the depression, and I have gained three pounds. I hate doing this emotional work. So much easier to put it off and be depressed. I do not want to sit down and pick apart why I feel bad, and then feel it. Duckets. (That is one of my new curse words. It is the name of a grocery store in South Dakota.) Okay, Mark is gone for the day. The lawn is a foot high and the house is filthy. They can't get much worse. I will get a notebook and figure out what is bothering me.
I hope I don't eat, more.
Take care of yourselves. Love Bea
P.S. I am having computer problems today. Depressed and the computer is nuts. What a day I'm having.