Had my first conversation with a friend about Intuitive Eating. Was not the response I expected. "Why would you just give up," she asked? Because I needed to. I love Cindy's blog title I Surrender. Meee tooo.
I haven't lost any weight in almost a year now. I bounce between 180 and 185. No lower, no higher. I have been following Kay Sheppard's Food Plan stringently and not so stringently. No weight loss. I did lose down to 178 when we first moved up here. I was eating fast food for every meal. I am sick to death of worrying about each morsel of food I put in my mouth. I am discouraged. I am bored with non-taste food. Believe me there is only so much you can do to non-fat yogurt. So I surrender.
Got my lab results back and went to the doctor. I am normal. High normal, but still normal for my age. I feel good. I ride my bike every day. (Not well mind you. I fall down frequently.) I have taken up singing in the choir. I am divesting myself of excess stuff. I am ready to be normal. A normal fifty year old woman who has a good life and does not want to spend her remaining years obsessing about food. I am ready to move on. So I have given up dieting and major food planning.
Thanks to Kay I now know what are normal portions and what foods are my triggers. I learned to space my meals and how use high fiber foods. I lost 65 pounds. I am grateful. And now I want to learn what my body has to say about what I eat. I do not want to eat stuff that does not taste good just to fill me up. I don't want to feel stuffed, or groggy from a sugar high. I want to eat when I am hungry. And not eat when I am not hungry. I want to satisfy a craving with one or two bites. I don't want to eat because I deserve a treat, but because I am hungry. And I also want some treats in my life. I want to feel my feelings and eat my food, separately. I want to accept myself as a regular every day fifty year old woman with wrinkles, sun spots and varicose veins and a tad bit of menopausal padding. I do not want to be Sharon Stone. I just want to be me completely revealed. So I surrender.
For breakfast I had a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal with a tablespoon of walnuts, some blueberries, 2% milk and molasses for sweetener. Also had a slice of low sodium ham and a teaspoon of cream in my coffee. I love walnuts and molasses and ham. I haven't had any for eons. Was wonderful. Yes I registered every extra calorie. And, this was not an outlandish meal. It was normal. I enjoyed every bite. I was satisfied. I even left a mouthful or two of oatmeal because I was full. I dreamed last night about being released from prison.
I am anxious, but glad to be out.
Treat yourselves. Love Bea