I have been mulling over anger and change for a week or two.
A few years ago I was instructed to buy a big red plastic softball bat. I was then instructed to put pillows on the bed and bash the pillows with the bat. I was to do this until my anger evaporated. I broke the bed.
I took the bat and a photo of a man who jilted me up into the forest. I thumb tacked the photo to a tree deep in the woods. I then beat the shit out of the photo. I was still angry so I decided to scream while whacking. Very satisfying. And noisy.
I did not hear the Forest Service guy behind me until he said, "What the heck are you doing?" And there he was in his brown outfit and his light green truck. Sweat was running into my ears and snot was running into my mouth. "My Ex," I said pointing the bat at the macerated photo. He paused, and looked a long time at the shredded thing. The air was hot and piney. A breeze sauntered through the tree tops. My perspiration was drying. "Good job," he said. He got back in his truck and drove off.
I went home and threw my dented bat in the trash. I took a shower. I left the unrecognizable photo nailed to the tree. I hope the rains have finally washed it clean.
Take care of yourselves. Get a bat. Love Bea